Luv You Bunches: May 2011

No, this isn't a gardening post. I already wrote about that in this post. This post is more concerned with the emptiness than the growing.

There is a stack of empty flower pots sitting on my front porch. They have been there since we moved in about 6 weeks ago. They sit there collecting rain water, pollen, dust, and dandelion seeds. I don't think about them during the day, the business of life keeps them "out of sight, out of mind." I do notice them, however, every time I enter or leave the house. And I think of the things I could be growing there.
I have made plans for them many times. Lots of plans and great ideas. I have read books and blogs and articles about container gardening and helping flowers and vegetables grow in pots on porches and window sills. I think I could probably write my own article or blog post on the subject. With all my knowledge though, the pots are still empty, briming with possibility and potential and plans, but empty.
I have a house full of empty pots- blank walls waiting for decorating, pattern print outs waiting to be cut and sewn into clothes and dolls and other objects, stacks of empty journals with blank pages, and drawers of photos waiting to be put into albums or scrapbooked. I know how to do it, but findig the time and motivation to do it all is still eluding me. And I have decided that it is okay. The flowers can wait a few weeks or months or even years. And it's not that important if the walls are blank or the sewing machine stays in the box.

There are however a few "pots" that can't be neglected or postponed.

I have been watching some rebroadcasts of women's conference where Sister Beck mentions some of the womanly duties that can't be delegated or negotiated or neglected. I heard a quote from a member of the First Presidency that explains how to move into a "survival mode" of sorts when things get out of control by focusing on just the essentials. Various other sources have all sent messages of the importance of focusing on the best things, instead of getting distracted by all the good things. Roles of wife, mother, sister, and daughter. Essentials like prayer amd scripture and family time.
I have five empty pots that have to be tended to now. They have names, and needs, and I have a sacred responsibility to tend to them. My husband needs a supportive and functional wife. My four children need a mother. And all that other stuff isn't that important.
It took a big move that took me way out of my comfort zone and away from my external support network to show me that I have to create my own comfort zone. To turn to my husband- my eternal support, when I need comfort or distraction from lonliness or depression or overwhelming feelings of doubt. That the responsibility of turning an house into a home rests on my shoulders. That the family relationships are more important than all the others. Right now I have a unique gift of time- no church calling or ward family to pull either of us away in the evening or on Sundays, no school volunteer duties, no girls nights or lunch dates to provide social outlets. Just my family to focus on. And we need a date night!
I have a job to do as a mother. Right now, I'm all they've got! They are little empty pots themselves, ready and waiting for me to plant all the right seeds. Or not plant anything, and let weeds and bugs and happenstance take over. I have been finctioning in the wrong survival mode for so long that I haven't been doing much mothering. Lots of caretaking and providing, but not mothering. I filled my days with busy-ness, but not essentials.
It hit me today as I was reading a blog about the importance of reading to your children, while my toddler watched tv or played alone. I could write a great book about mothering- I know a lot about it! But knowledge doesn't do any good unless it is applied. So I turned off the screen and sat with my girls and we read lots and lots of books and played with her toys and made lunch and sang songs.
I didn't need a book or a blog to tell me how to do it, I already knew. I just needed to do it. And as I sat and thougt about it, I thought of so many other ways I knew but wasn't doing. Right now we are all facing challenges nad my children need a mother, not just someone to feed them and wash their clothes.
So I am cutting out all those extras. It is not important if the photos ever come out of the box. No one will care in the eternitities if I learned to knit socks or paint murals or grow tomatoes or if my girls go to church in matching skirts I made myself. They need long talks and warm hugs and sincere prayers to grow strong, not homemade bread or custom drapes or hand glued hairbows with giant flowers. Blogging about motherhood and marriage and eternal families isn't nearly as important as having family home evening and reading our scriptures together and going to church together.
I can drag tham all over the state this summer and take them to concerts and museums and carnivals and make clay volcanoes and toothpick towers, but it is most important to teach them to love eachother, to serve others and their families, to play together, to learn about who they are and their amazing potential and eternal destiny. I just spent a week planning our summer camp, three months packed full of outings and day trips and adventures of all sorts. I think I am going to start over with a more important focus than just keeping my kids busy. We are going to grow together and learn about love and families and working and playing together, not just stay busy. I am pretty sure that one of our activities this summer will be to grow something in those empty pots, but maybe not. I might just leave them there.

So if you come to my house and see the stack of empty pots, know that they are there on purpose- to remind me of the more important things.