Because I am a mother,
My to-do list will never be completed
I will not ever sleep through the night
There will always be socks to match and clothes to fold
My shopping cart will contain three kinds of milk, brightly colored breakfast cereal, and crackers shaped like animals
The bathroom sink will be smeared with sparkling toothpaste every morning and night
Cheerios will always be under the dining table, in the car seat, and in the diaper bag
There will be toys, books, and blankies on my couch at all times
There are safety locks on my cabinets, gates on the stairs, covers on the outlets, and nothing but indestructibles in the bottom kitchen cabinets
I will never wear skinny jeans or have six-pack abs
There are finger prints on the windows and doors

Because I am a mother,
I can change diapers in small spaces, on moving targets, in less than 30 seconds, and in the dark
I can nod in understanding instead of condemnation when I pass a toddler having a tantrum in the cereal aisle
I know the cartoon character features on the waistband of every brand of disposable diaper
I can swaddle a baby doll in a cloth napkin
I have a favorite smelling brand of baby shampoo
I know about five point harnesses, latch hooks and tether straps, locking clips, and booster seats
I sort toys boxes and Halloween candy for choking hazards and lead paint
I can mix formula in a moving vehicle, breastfeed in a crowded restaurant, and know which chains serve applesauce as a side dish
I buy tissues, vapor rub, Motrin, decongestant, and band aids in bulk quantities
I have the appointment line at the pediatrician's office on my speed dial
I can find the lost socks and discarded eye glasses and misplaced homework that are invisible to everyone else.

Because I am a mother,
I can get up at 3 in the morning to hold my daughter's hair while she gets sick or help stop a bloody nose or nurse a baby or chase away a nightmare
I have magic kisses and healing hugs
I can change diapers, wipe bottoms, brush teeth, wipe noses, wash faces, and bandage scrapes without getting sick, but only for my own children
I can count carbs, lance a tiny finger, and give injections of life-sustaining medicine as well as any pediatric nurse
I can properly floss 16 orthodontic brackets in five minutes or less
I have watched and survived a tonsillectomy, nasal surgery and vein cauterization, tear duct probing, iv insertion, nursemaids elbow, insulin emergencies, measles, scarlet fever, casts, stitches, and swine flu and can honestly mean it when I say "This hurts me more than it does you."

Because I am a mother,
I know three ways to make chicken nuggets from scratch
I have eaten cereal for dinner
I know how to hide veggies and fruit in foods my kids like
I have made more peanut butter sandwiches than I can count
I decorate tiny cupcakes at 10PM for class parties
I can make a birthday cake for $3 look almost as good as a $30 cake from the store
I have cut Jello with cookie cutters, put food coloring in mashed potatoes, and only ever fill glasses half way
I bake cookies for someone else and don't actually mind
Most of my kitchen tools are in the sand box, there are tiny flour hand prints on my jeans when I bake, and I never get to lick the beaters anymore

Because I am a mother,
I know what a striker does on a soccer team
I know French words for ballet poses
I can demonstrate a pike position
I can pitch a fastball strike
I became an instant football fan and know how to score that extra point
I have cheered for home runs, soccer goals, touchdowns, and cartwheels
I know the difference between phonics and whole language instruction
I can sing the days of the week to five different tunes
I have twirled like a ballerina, waltzed with Cinderella, wiggled to the chicken dance, done the hokey pokey in the living room
I know where to look for ladybugs on the playground, how to catch ants for an ant farm, and have picked up slugs, snails, and grasshoppers to put in a jar

Because I am a mother,
I can wield a light-saber or a pirate sword with a baby on my hip
I have fought aliens, pirates, monsters, and witches
I have played the part of evil stepmothers and handsome princes, robotic aliens and masked heroes
I have created batman masks and princess tiaras and holiday t-shirts with nothing but a glue gun and a sharpie
There will always be crayons, cars, lollipops, and band-aids in the bottom of my purse
I have caught and fed lizards, turtles, frogs, bugs, crayfish, and goldfish
I know the theme song to cartoons and find myself humming them in random places
I will always narrate as I drive, even when I forget there is no one in the back seat
I read bedtime stories and board books instead of classics
I know the words to countless lullabies and primary songs
I can rhyme anything

Because I am a mother,
I can say a child's name and induce comfort, fear, giggles, remorse, or attention just by changing my voice and am awed by the power of my attentions
I display vases of wilting dandelions and wear colored macaroni necklaces with pride
I have jumped for joy, cheered out loud, swelled with pride, and beamed with accomplishment along side my children
I have winced in pain, cried tears of sadness, felt the sting of disappointment, and struggled with frustration and failure with my children
I am the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, a leprechaun, and Santa Claus
I will fight school administrators, stand up to bullies, educate school nurses, and won't hesitate to step up to battles I would never fight for myself

Because I am a mother,
I stay up late at night worrying about the future
I make lists of how I can do better and find motivation in tiny hands and big blue eyes
I pray harder and longer and more frequently than ever before
I have listened to simple faith-filled prayers and watched tiny miracles result
My fears are strong and my faith is stronger
I feel powerful and helpless, guilty and proud, accomplished and a failure, all at the same time

Because I am a mother,
I know what it is to love someone unconditionally, instantaneously, and eternally

Popcorn Trees

We were having popcorn for a snack. I guess it has been a while since we ate popcorn and Rebecca, age 4, found an unpopped kernel at the bottom of the bowl. She asked what that "tiny nut" was doing in her snack. I told her it was a popcorn seed that hadn't turned into popcorn yet. Her eyes lit up and her smile grew and she clutched that little kernel in her fist before standing up and enthusiastically explaining that "It is a popcorn seed! Popcorn seeds grow into- popcorn trees! We can plant it and make a popcorn tree! Please can I go outside and bury it?"

She ran into the backyard with her sand shovel and planted her seed in a nice sunny spot and then gave it a splash of rainwater from a bucket. She has been watching hourly for it to start growing.

I have plans for that little seed, because she is only going to be that little and believe in the magic of popcorn trees right now. Not next year or next month. So tonight while she sleeps in tribute to jack and the beanstalk, a little tree a lot like an azalea branch is going to magically sprout up in that spot. And while she naps later that afternoon, its blooms are going to turn into popcorn balls!

Because I am a mom and I believe in magic popcorn seeds, and it is up to me to see that my kids do, too!

The Other Cross Family

For Memorial Day we got to visit Mike's older brother Tim and his family in Iowa. Eliza was graduating from high school and we wanted to be there to support her. Plus, they have lived there for like 10 yrs and we have never gone to visit. It was about time! So we all piled into the car and drove forever. That is another blog post in itself! Here, we will just talk about the time we spent there.
Eliza was very busy doing high school senior stuff, so we didn't see her too much except for the important stuff which was what mattered. We did get to spend some time with Amanda. Her room was a fun place for Becca to hide from the dog and for Lenna to book shop. Andrew was impressed with her drumming in the high school band- they talked about their drum sets and how he hopes to play drums in the band as well. Lenna enjoyed tagging along on a shopping trip to the mall with Amanda, Aunt Tammy, and Heather. She found out she can shop in the juniors dept (so much cooler than little girls!) and even talked Aunt Tammy into buying everyone a book to read on the ride home. Andrew really loved playing with their dog and spent a lot of time throwing a ball for her to fetch, over and over and over again! Rebecca is still scared of dogs and the poor girl spent the summer sitting with her feet up on her chair. It seems everyone we visited this summer had a dog or two for her to run from.
The kids especially enjoyed going to the graduation. We didn't get to go to Zan's last year because you had to have a ticket, so this was their first time. It was such a fun ceremony! There are definite advantages to having less than 20 people in your graduating class! They were talked about by name in speeches from teachers and each other, the passing out of diplomas took about 15 minutes, and then they had time and resources leftover to do a fun slide show of pictures of the kids from K to 12th grade and all the things they did together!
At least, I think that is what they did. Elizabeth started crying and flopping and trying to run around just after they walked in (past her bed time, darn time zones) so I spent the entire time walking the empty halls and listening through open doors. But the kids thought is was awesome and have high hopes for their own graduation ceremonies in a few years. Hopefully GA will deliver, although with a class size of 500 or more, I am not too sure it will be quite so personal!
Lenna also started planning her own graduation party as soon as she saw what a wonderful job Aunt Steph did for Eliza. A slide show, tables of photos and awards and school memories, lots of yummy food, and fun decorations and a dance floor. I think their favorite part was the brownie ice cream sundae bar!
It was great to be able to see our family members that we don't cross paths with very often (living on opposite sides of the country makes it hard) and are excited to see them at the upcoming family reunion.

Cookies

How to make cookies, By Becca, age 3.

1. Drop some eggs in the bowl, try not to crush the shells too small or mom won't be able to get them out.
2. Mash them up with the whisker until the yellow mixes up with the clear. Don't taste it, or mom will make you spit and wash your hands.
3. Get a new bowl and plop in the butter sticks. Taste when no one is looking. Mom likes the little finger prints in it.
4. Dump in lots of sugar, the white sandy kind and the brown sticky kind. This part is good for tasting.
5. Cover your ears while mom uses the beaters, but don't leave the room so you can have one to lick when she is done.
6. Plop in the eggs. Taste first, because now mom wont let you anymore. Help stir the slimy stuff with the good stuff.
7. Keep stirring while mom puts in lots of spoons of white stuff. Don't taste, most of them are yucky.
8. Help scoop and dump in the flour. Not too high or it will make dust. Stick your hands in the canister while she is busy wiping the dust off. It is fun to squeeze and pat and makes the floor really slippery for ice skating.
9. Help stir until your arms get tired, then let mom do it. Play in the four dust until she is done.
10. Help drop in the chocolate chips. See how many you can grab and stick in your mouth before they disappear into the cookie dough.
11. Watch mom scoop balls onto the flat pans.
12. Wait, and wait, and wait some more. Keep looking through the oven window to see if they are done.
13. Yell really loud when the timer rings so your mom doesn't forget to take them out. Wait longer for them to not burn your fingers.
14. Eat with milk.

End of School Activities

We moved our kids across five states exactly one month before the school year ended. Completely against every good advice book we read that told us to leave them in until the end of the year to avoid the trauma of having to change classes. But I figured I could pull a "mom knows best" card on this one. Here is why.

1.We needed to be together as a family. I am a lousy single parent. We needed to all live together in the same state and to have daddy in our lives. Involuntary separation is one this, but doing it when you have the option not to seems silly.
2. Summer is a lonely time when  no one knows you are there. We don't have a lot of kids in our neighborhood, so play dates have to be planned with at least a phone call. if no one knew we were back and no one had our number, and we had no way to get in touch with anyone, no one would get to play. The few weeks they had in the new school gave them just enough time to make some friends and trade phone numbers so we could play over the summer. Its also a good way to get noticed- no one notices the new kid on the first day of school. But everyone knows the new kid who comes in the middle. People are interested in meeting and befriending the new kid.
3. My kids are smart. They won't suffer academically from having to change curriculum or text books or miss a few end of year lessons. It was easy for them to just jump right in here.
3. No one is at the school during the summer. At least where we live, you can't get a single person on the phone until the few days before school starts. If your kids need special services, like nursing or gifted testing or special class placement, you won't get it. You will show up in the middle of the start of school rush, be put off until things calm down, and told to test with the rest of the school mid-year for next years stuff. So your kid gets to suffer all year because no one knew they were coming. We had three weeks to make appointments, take placement tests, meet with the nursing staff, and make our case for whatever services we wanted for the upcoming year and it worked fine. And it just three weeks they had to go without those services in the new school instead of a semester or two.
4. We got an to start summer vacation a month earlier here. It would have seemed wrong to go to school there until mid-June, then start school here the first of August, after only a 6 week break. Moving got them out of school mid May, so we could have more of a summer break.

So after we decided to move, it was a bit of a whirl wind. Most kids would start to slack off because they know they are leaving, but not mine. In fact, I was encouraging Lenna to let homework slide and do other stuff like packing her room the last week she was there because I already had the transfer papers filled out with her current grades, but she refused. I guess I am proud and not annoyed, sort of.

Anyway, the night before we moved my kids were at the school showing off their science fair projects. Lenna worked with a partner to do a taste test experiment on their class, trying to decide if the kids could tell the difference between regular, low fat, and sugar free ice cream. Her classmates were happy to help with their part and subject themselves to eating three different kinds of ice cream in the name of scientific research. In case you were wondering, the low fat stuff bombed but they liked the sugar free stuff just fine.
Andrew really wanted to make a scale model of the solar system. His project was titled, "If the sun was the size of a pizza, how big would the other planets be?" We made a little display with string showing how far the distances would be, and used some household objects as planets. Earth is a pea, btw, and Jupiter is half a tennis ball. Here they are with their displays.




We also arrived at our new school just in time for all of the end of year fun. Andrew was cast as a flipping beetle in the school play with a whole two days to learn his part. Lenna went to one gifted lesson and then was able to participate in the end of year celebration dressed as a Greek goddess. For her part she learned to tell her mother to make spanikopita and we all tried Greek yogurt and baklava. Then they went on a field trip or two, had field day, class parties, and were finished with first and fourth grade!

Because they finished so early, they were able to skype chat with their classrooms back in MD to say goodbye. I love technology, and technology-focused schools that have web cams and smart screens and other things in place that let kids talk to each other from five states away.

Moving back to GA

In May of 2012 we concluded our Maryland adventure and headed back down south to our house in GA. Mike had already been in GA for two months working, so he came up for a long weekend to help load the truck and drive it home. We were supposed to have everything ready to go so when he arrived Friday we could load the van, empty the storage shed, clean the apartment, and drive away by Saturday night. We had thrown away all of our moving boxes form our move to MD so I was really starting from scratch, but managed through a few facebook pleas, to gather enough cast off boxes and packing supplies that I never had to dumpster dive behind Walmart or buy boxes.

Looking back I really have no idea how I managed to do all of that packing and getting ready to go by myself. Actually, I do know. I didn't do it by myself. I spent a lot of late nights sorting and throwing things away and filling boxes. The kids a long playdate with Aunt Jessie and Carson one day so I could clear out the storage shed, organize it all, and repack it to make room for lots of future loads. Lauri, Tammy, Mel, and Megan came and spent a long Saturday helping pack up the kids' room and most of the upstairs closets, then drove every packed box and tote to the storage shed before my kids could unpack it, where Matt unloaded the cars and filled up our little unit. A few days later the girls had a long playdate with Kim Farrow and her kids while I worked on finishing the upstairs. Our ward family, who could have just said goodbye on Sunday and then forgot about us, brought meals and babysat. We got to spend a fun evening with the Wilhelms to say goodbye and have one last day of fun. And the Tuesday before Mike came two friends, Sharon and Letty, came over and spent an entire day packing up the last of the kitchen and living room stuff while the girls spent the  day with Aunt Jessie and Carson. Just as my helpers were leaving Nana, Julie, Uncle Don, Aunt Jenni, and Zach and Syra came for one last visit and to say goodbye.

Mike arrived Thursday and got to work early Friday loading the truck, despite little helpers running around and having some other family problems to deal with right in the middle of it. Friday afternoon I picked up the kids from school (what a tear-filled hour that was! We really loved that school!) and we went to a hotel to play and stay out of the way while Mike worked with the missionaries to load everything from the apartment, then two friends from the ward came and they went and loaded everything from storage. Saturday Tammy and Wayne came and played with the kids at the hotel while Mike and I finished up at the apartment loading the last things and cleaning carpets. Then they helped us with the last clean up and emptying closets and getting things ready to go.

I am so grateful to everyone who managed to take time out of their busy schedules to help us pack and move. It was hard but we are happy to be together as a family again! We of course miss all of our family that we left behind. Thankfully, modern technology can keep us in touch and we are really only a day's drive away when it is time to go visiting!

And of course, I have sworn off moving ever again. At least until the next assignment, where I will insist that Mike's employers pay for movers to come do the packing and loading!

Little Swimmers

We have managed to survive the intense heat and humidity of another Georgia summer! We spent most of the hottest afternoons here, at the YMCA pool. These pictures are from our first two visits while the kids were taking swimming lessons. We would start out every day with a lesson and a few hours to play at the pool.
On our second day there, I was busy putting sunscreen on the the kids and was approached by a visiting news anchor. She asked if she could interview me and the kids about sunscreen for a story on the news. Of course we said yes! So Lenna got to be on the evening news as I smeared her with sunscreen and she ran off and jumped in the pool. It was fun see her so relaxed and happy in front of the camera- no stage fright at all! And a little sad that out of all the families there, ours was the only one stopping to put sunscreen on. I wish everyone would use it!
Anyway, Andy and Lenna are great swimmers now, Becca loves the water and thinks she is a mermaid, and Elizabeth loves the run around in the splash pool.  Rebecca learned the hard way that she isn't a mermaid-on-demand. Our first trip of the season, she walked right out and stuck her head under the water. Didn't close her eyes, nose, or mouth. She thought she would just turn into a mermaid and be able to breath and talk under water like her favorite cartoon mermaids. She came up sputtering and gasping and SO disappointed! She is still a little upset that even after a summer of lessons she can't talk under water, but is getting better at keeping her mouth shut when she does her dog paddle and back float.

Baby Book Worm

Elizabeth has discovered books! She has spent so much time this summer turning pages and emptying bookshelves. Finally she learned that there are words to go along with the pictures and loves being read to. The above book was her favorite. "Peek a Boo Baby." She read it all the time! Then we lost it right before our summer road trips and had to find a new one. I'm going to give it one more hunt and then will just go get a new copy.
She now reads "Pete the Cat" in "I love my White Shoes" over and over and over and over. Until we can't stand it any more and hide it, then she reads something else until it shows up again.
I have to admit it makes me happy that all of my kids love books so much. Reassuring somehow that no matter how odd they may turn out as they grow, we will at least have that in common!

A new smile

After an entire of year of waiting and enduring four different orthodontic consults, Lenna finally got her braces! She is so excited to begin the process of getting her new smile.
She has pretty severe crowding on the top and bottom, as well as a crossbite, and overbite, and a very narrow upper palate. She started with an upper jaw expander called a hi-rax, and braces on her top teeth. Lower braces will be put on at the end of this year after those last few baby teeth wiggle out. She should be into a retainer and out of braces in 18 months! One of the advantages of starting treatment when she is this young instead of when she is a teen is that her facial bones are still pretty flexible, so they move quickly to where the orthodontist wants them to be, so it doesn't take nearly as long as it would if we waited. It has been amazing to me to see the difference in her teeth in just under two months. She started with her two front teeth overlapping but they moved apart a little each day until they were side by side and now even have a space between so when the rest of her top teeth grow in they will all fit in a nice little row.
The first week was really hard for as she adjusted to speaking and eating with all that stuff in her mouth, but she is doing great with it now. Our biggest hurdle is sending her to bed early enough that she has enough time to spend 20 minutes brushing and flossing all those purple brackets before bed time.
It makes her look so much older now than she did at the end of the school year. Still my beautiful girl though!

Andrew's mini tv spot

Lenna's contest

Lenna's entry into the cover art contest for local builder's assoc. won first place! Here is a link with the contest entries.

http://www.hbaofwashingtoncounty.org/homeshow/home-show-2012-art-contest/

A quick update and finding back-dated posts

I get two sentences per person to avoid writing a novel. here you go:

Elizabeth had her first ear infection last week and is recovering well. She also has 6 cute little teeth and took her first tiny steps yesterday in between games of peekaboo.

Rebecca is enjoying being 3 with her crazy curls and stubborn scowl. I love her laugh and her constant help in the kitchen.

Andrew is excited to start playing basketball in January and loves going to enrichment classes with the second grade at school. He is becoming the newest member of te Harry Potter fan club one long chapter at a time.

Lenna got her ears pierced for her birthday and is looking forward to a "Nght Owl" sleepover party at the end of this week. She healthy and happy and back to her normal self and coping very well with her diabetes, with the exception a few "no more needles" meltdowns.

Mike is busy working har to take care of us and making a good name for himself at his job. He draws an enthusiastic crowd when he walks in the door each night and has exclusive rights to the biggest hugs and smiles from the little girls.

I have been exercising my creativity with birthday cakes and Halloween costumes. I am excited to fit into my pre-baby jeans again and go running on the rare days I everyone is healthy enough to go to gym day care.

I have dedicated 15 minutes a day to getting the past crazy year into the blog before the end of the year. I am going to post-date the blogs so if you aren't reading in a feed reader or email, you can click the links at the top of the page (right under the picture) to see the newest old posts.

Things to love right now

* Chubby baby cheeks with dimples and giggles
* Toddler tea party with mini pumpkin jack-o-lanters as the guests of honor
* Magic red and gold leaves, pink sunsets, and chilly mornings
* 7 yr olds with wiggly front teeth who make everyone waffles for breakfast
* Fourth grade student of the month, nominated by her peers for being  trustworthy- a good friend, honest, and reliable
* Finding a giant chocolate bar in a grocery bag while cleaning off the top of the fridge, that I didn't know was there, that had been bought and left sometime earlier by a thoughtful husband
* A kitchen that smells like pumpkin chocolate chip muffins
* An organized front closet
* One week until my mom getaway- room with housekeeping, a hot tub, a pool, no cooking for two days, and great company. And that is before the event even starts!
* Fresh picked apples, apple crisp, apple pancakes, and apple pie
* I found the box with my sewing machine inside- welcome back friend!
* Celebration season in our family- 2 birthdays down, Halloween, 2 more birthdays, Thanksgiving, Wedding anniversary, and Christmas! I can think about presents and celebrating, and baking, all the time instead of laundry and boxes and humidity.

Teething

Dear baby,


Books are not food. Computer cords are not food. Shoes are not food. Your sister's homework folder is not food. The remote is not food. Food is food! Now please eat your food. No, not that food! The baby food! *sigh*

Love you anyways,

Mommy.

PS. your toes are an acceptable substitute

Think I can make it?

6 weeks to Halloween. This is my to-do list.

Mermaid:
http://tootsiegrace.blogspot.com/2009/10/make-it-sparkly-mermaid-tails-tutorial_05.html

Spaghetti:
http://familyfun.go.com/crafts/spaghetti-meatballs-662186/

Darth Vader and baby pumpkin costumes are already in the box.

Think I can make it?

I am grateful for little girls who turn on the light

We have had a very eventful few weeks over here. Thursday Lenna was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. After a few scary hours in the ER and a few more hard days in the hospital, and a long week of learning and adjusting and recovering, things are almost starting to feel normal again. I thought I would start off with a gratitude list, to help me keep things in perspective.


1. I am grateful Lenna is alive. Without the medical intervention she received last weekend, she wouldn't be.

2. I am grateful that I know her well enough to notice that she was sick, not just in need of an earlier bed time or more water or chapstick. ThatMike works crazy long hours so I can stay home and mother my kids all the time. I think it would have taken much longer to notice all of the subtle signs of illness if I only got to see her a few hours before bed.

3. I am grateful for the bathroom light. It woke me up every time she had to get out of bed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, another symptom that would otherwise have gone unnoticed.

4.I am grateful for a school teacher who was willing to allow Lenna to carry water bottles around all day drinking, and then let her go to the bathroom 6 times a day. The water kept her from getting seriously dehydrated those last few days before the diagnosis. And the bathroom monitoring led her to ask for a note from home, asking for permission to go to the bathroom so much. This was one of the things that told me maybe there was something going on- if she needed a doctor's note to go to the bathroom so much, maybe there was a medical reason for the problem.

5. I am grateful for technology. Although WebMD and other google health diagnosis tools can sometimes be dangerous because they lead people to believe they have something they don't or keep sick people from going to the doctor, they can be really useful tools as well. After some quick research before bed, I knew she had all the symptoms for diabetes. That gave me an entire sleepless night (interrupted by a few bathroom lights and a nursing infant) to get used to the idea, so when the doctor delivered the diagnosis, I already knew what she was going to say and didn't have to adjust right there in front of the doctor and could answer some of Lenna's questions on the way to the hospital.

6. I am thankful for quiet answers to prayers. I went to bed the night before unsure about what to do next. I didn't want to take her to the doctor for unnecessary tests or be one of those alarmist moms who thinks its a crisis every time their kid gets a stomach ache or feels tired. But I didn't want to ignore a potentially serious problem. I said a simple prayer asking for guidance and peace when I went to bed that night. I woke up certain that I needed to take her to doctor. I had no doubts that she was very sick, that she was experiencing the onset symptoms of type 1 diabetes, and that we needed to visit the doctor that day. And so I made an appointment, dropped Becca with a sitter, and picked Lenna up from school and we went to the doctor. I felt calm and was able to do it all very matter-of-factly.

7. I am thankful for the Spirit and it's power to calm and strengthen the hearth of a mother who needs to be there for her daughter. When the doctor told me I was handling the news of the diagnosis surprisingly well, I wanted to reply that it was miraculously well- that it was only by Divine intervention that I wasn't falling apart right before her eyes. I wasn't a rock or a robot- I still cried right along with Lenna as soon as the doctor left the room. My voice caught when I had to return to the school and tell her teacher she would not be returning to school that day or the next. I get teary when I make her cry with an unsuccessful finger prick or painful injection. There was a moment in our training when we had to learn to give insulin shots, that Mike took Lenna to go to the restroom at just the right moment, so I could sit alone with the nurse for three minutes and cry my eyes out. But I could pull myself back together in time to do what I had to do.

8. I am grateful for a diagnosis. As much as you hate to be told you have a chronic condition that will require lifelong treatment and lifestyle adjustments, at least we know what is wrong and how to treat it. My sister has been struggling for years with her son. He has something that is affecting his development and motor skills. They know something is wrong but a string of doctors and specialists still can't say what it is or how to treat it. I think I would rather know and be able to move forward. And I am thankful for the vending machine full of chocolate that was a full five minute walk away from our ER room that gave me a chance to walk away for a few minutes when I really needed to.

9. I am grateful for family. I didn't expect to go to the doctor and be told to drive right to the children's hospital two hours away, to be admitted and stay over night. When I left Becca with her Aunt Jessie, we both expected it to be for just a few hours. When I called and asked her to keep her indefinitely, as well as pick Andy up from school, feed them both dinner and just wait to know what was happening, she didn't hesitate to ask how else she could help. She kept them both the following day as well. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have that kind of support network in place. I can't imagine how much harder it would have been if I had to take everyone with me, or to send Lenna on to the hospital alone because I had to be with the other kids, or to have to choose. As soon as we knew we would be late getting home that night, my mother-in-law went straight from her long day of work to my home so my kids could go to sleep on time in their own beds, prepared to stay the night if needed and send them off to school the next morning before going back to work. Then she did it again the next night as well. My mom couldn't be here physically, but she called each to let me know she was thinking about us and praying for us and just to let me talk to someone. My sister Sandra called to check on me, to give me a much needed outlet to just talk to someone while I worried away the hours on my daughter's first day back at school. My older sister Shannon is a nurse and also dealing with gestational diabetes- she could empathizee with Lenna and give me tips like how to make the shots hurt a little less and which sugar-free ice cream tastes the most like the real thing.

10. I am grateful we live within driving distance to a nationally-ranked children's hospital that was staffed with pediatric endocrinologists who knew how to stabilize and treat Lenna and educate me and Mike on how to care for her after we left.

11. I am grateful for a hospital full of nurses and staff that are used to working with kids and had Lenna smiling by bedtime, in spite of everything she had just gone through. And that they let me stay the night, even though I had to keep Elizabeth with me.

12. I am grateful for health insurance. So that when we left the hospital with a $9,500 bill and a stack of prescriptions totaling over $400, we didn't have to worry about how to pay for it on top of everything else. We still have a pretty big bill leftover after the insurance paid its share, but at least it is manageable.

13. I am grateful for Mike's job. So that when I called and said "I'm on the way to the hospital." he only had to tell his supervisor that there was an emergency and was able to leave right away, for as long as he needed, and no one gave him a hard time about it. That they paid him for his time anyway. That he was able to work extra hours the next few weekends to so he didn't have to lose vacation days and earned overtime pay so we could more easily pay the hospital bill.

14. I am grateful to our ward family here who make daily phone calls to tell us they are concerned, offers for babysitting, and for those who bring meals, because "when you are concerned and don't know what to say and want to help and don't know how, you bring food." Thank you for the food.

15. I am grateful to the school nurse who knows what she is doing, for a teacher who lets my daughter eat in class and make up tests she failed while she was sick and didn't know it (but still had fuzzy brain cells from all the sugar) and guidance counselors who take time from their schedule to do presentations to fourth graders about diabetes and blood sugar and the difference between diseases you can catch and those you can't and feature slide shows about little girls with IVs and glucose meters and "nurse buddies" and morning snacks and Halloween party cupcakes.

16. I am grateful for insulin. And glucose meters. And lancing devises. And syringes. Even though I hate them. I am grateful to have them so that Lenna can get better and stay alive and go back to being a kid and worrying about spelling tests and running races and how to make a spaghetti and meatballs costume for Halloween.

17. I am grateful to recipes on the back of graham cracker boxes that can be made with sugar-free pudding and cool whip so that my daughter can make and share and eat dessert and feel normal.

18.I am grateful for nap time.

19. I am grateful to Mike, who is everything I am not. For being strong when I am weak, for being brave when I am scared, for being an advocate when I am intimidated, for being efficient when I am frazzled, for being helpful when I am overwhelmed, for working while I sleep. For bringing food and clean clothes and a toothbrush. For keeping an eye on the forest while I am fretting about the trees. For priesthood blessings.

20. I am grateful for my girl, who never ceases to amaze me with all she can do and be and learn and will become. I am so excited to see her grow up into all that ability and potential. I am grateful for the privilege of being her mother and getting to watch her do it all and maybe come along for the ride sometimes.

21. And Lenna says she is grateful that she never has to fast on Fast Sundays anymore and for sugar-free jell-o and chocolate bars.

Guardians of Virtue

New post ever here. Here's the link: http://operationjoyinthejourney.blogspot.com/2011/08/guardians-of-virtue.html

Summer Updates

New posts about our summer in the month of June.

Camp W part 1

Camp W part 2

Slowly catching up!

The New Normal

Blog? What blog? Oh, that blog. I guess I should write something...


Time for an update. I will start with the smallest.

Elizabeth is almost 6 months old! I can't believe how fast the time goes, but at the same time it seems like she has been here with us forever. She is now known as "Princess Drool", "Rolly-polly-olly", or "Squirmy Wormy". She never stops moving and will be crawling before we know it!
She has mastered the art of rolling over in both directions, can arch her back right out of her car seat onto the floor if I forget to buckle her in, and can wiggle her way around in circles to reach whatever we thought was just out of her grasp. Her brown hair is still pretty sparse but has filled in the bald spots she had a few months ago.
She hates the bath tub, being left alone, and riding in her car seat. She loves her brother and sisters, esp when they are making funny faces at her. She likes to put anything she can reach into her mouth, sucking her fingers, and is especially delighted when she is able to catch her toes and get them to her mouth.
The one thing she doesn't want put into her mouth is solid food. We tried cereal for a few weeks but have stopped, since it took forever to get anything to stay in. She kept drooling it all back out faster than I could spoon it in. Maybe we will try again in another week or so.

Rebecca is my little fireball. Her curly red hair is as crazy as ever, as is her temper and her emotions in general. Anything she feels, she does in a big way. She coming out of a rough last few days but considering all the changes she has been through the past 6 months, I am glad it isn't any worse.
Our goals for the next few months (in order of my priority, not neccessarily hers) include getting her back to sleeping through the night in her own bed, going to the nursery in church, learning to ask for things without whining, and learning to use the potty.
She loves being a big kid and doing everything she can with Lenna and Andy. She likes to help with chores, especially in the kitchen. She also loves water.
She told me last week that she was working hard to turn into Ariel, her favorite princess with fins. She is excited to get fishy feet, which can be grown, apparently, by bathing at least twice a day, swimming at every opportunity, and drinking large amounts of very cold water. She wishes she had a pool in the backyard.
Her other favorite is birthdays, and she claims every other day as her "happy birthday cake present" day. We have been attending some sort of birthday or other celebration requiring cake at least twice a month since we moved here, so she has gotten to pretend easily.
She is mastering words and loves to talk, sing, and read books. She is learning to name her letters and spell her name but is really enthusiastic about shapes right now, so we are going with that for a while. Her current favorite shape is an oval, which she can spot just about anywhere. She likes bare feet and bubbles and wants to be the baby sometimes.

Andrew is growing while he sleeps! He lost another tooth last week and his pants are all at least three inches too short. He loves to play outside and ride his bike. He learned to climb a tree at the start of the summer and is working on dribbling a basketball. He loves swimming at the pool at his cousins' house.
He has proven to be very responsible at doing his chores such as taking out all the garbage and vacuuming. He also likes to help in the kitchen.
He has spent most of his summer playing with girls, and we are all praying for a nice boy his age to move into our neighborhood. There are plenty of boys around, but finding one that is fun to play with, uses clean language, and doesn't beat little kids up, is proving to be a challenge.
His reading skills exploded in kindergarten and he is turning into quite a reader- he is into Geronimo Stilton and Magic Tree house books right now. He has taken to borrowing Lenna's beginner piano books and teaching himself to play. He is ready for lessons as soon as we can schedule and pay for them, probably next year. After a couple tries, he has the songs memorized and can play through with both hands and no music. Not prodigious, we are only through Old MacDonald and Jolly Old Saint Nicholas so far, but Lenna has forbid him from moving ahead of her.
 His favorite thing about the move was his chance to spend more time with his relatives, especially his Papa Bear. So far he has enjoyed "guy time" at a minor league baseball game and is scheduled for a fishing trip and some gardening work this weekend. His aunts, uncles and cousins have all shown him a good time with sleepovers, bowling, swimming at the pool and the lake, riding a horse, watching movies and playing video games.
His little spirit is really starting to show now that he is better at expressing himself. He introduced himself to the ward by going up to the front in Sacrament meeting in June and bearing his testimony of prayer and Heavenly Father's love. Everyone was very touched. He enthusiastically prepared a talk about the importance of temples and eternal families for primary on Sunday. His sensitivity sometimes causes him trouble but is sweet.

Lenna is living up to her name, which she recently learned means "Bright one."
She adjusted right away to the new school and had no trouble academically. All schools come with mean girls and she had some trouble for a while but ended up well. Her prayers were answered when two girls in her class at school were found living right here in our neighborhood and they have become good friends.
We had to do some hoop jumping and pushing to get her tested for the gifted program here but after getting the right people involved she was able to get tested and accepted into the magnet gifted program here and will be in a class with all other gifted fourth graders next year. She is looking forward to the challenge, it will be interesting how she adjusts to not being the first one done every time.
Instead of taking the summer off, she has been trying to fill every week with something new to do. We had a great reunion in West Virginia with her best friend Leara, where they made cookies, dyed their hair with kool aid, and went on a nature scavenger hunt.
After that she has kept herself busy with Spanish class at the library, memorizing the bookmobile schedule, devouring library books like they are ice cream cones, taking piano lessons from her cousin Zan, and joining horse club. She went on an overnight adventure where she learned to ride a horse, braid horse tails and manes, and care for horses in general and got to sleep in the hayloft.
This week she is finishing up drama day camp with the local children's theater and will make her stage debut as Perdita in 101 Dalmatians. She is very excited to memorize lines, sing a solo, and do some dancing while wearing a doggy costume and stage makeup.
Lenna has been a great helper with all of the juggling we have had to do lately. She is learning to cook some things in the kitchen, is in charge of loading and unloading the dishwasher daily, and keeps all the kids in check when they go outside to play.

Mike is very busy with work, and the commute to and from work. We miss having him around in the afternoons but love our time together on the weekends. Mike's brother Matt just moved into our townhouse complex and has a similar commute, so they have started carpooling. It gets them both home in time for dinner and an hour before the bus would for about the same cost, so we are enjoying that blessing.
Mike loves his job and the important work that he is doing. There are lots of advancement and learning opportunities that are available to him that he is excited to take advantage of in the future. 
Mike is enjoying finally coming home after 14 years of living in other states. He has wasted no time embracing his role as son, uncle, brother, and grandson and works hard to be present at special events whenever possible and help out whenever he can. We are all enjoying the chance to be part of a local extended family, though it seems to come with an abundance of cake- at least every other weekend!
We are feeling the difference in the smaller ward here, since we both just got callings and people actually notice when we aren't there. Mike was asked to teach Elder's Quorum our second Sunday there, then was called to do it permanently the week after that. It always makes me smile when an older couple comes up to us, especially Andrew, and tells us they remember when Mike was just that big.
I am finally feeling like I have a little more control over things. It seems to be directly correlated with the regularity of Elizabeth's sleeping schedule and the ability to keep things following a routine. They say kids thrive on routine and regularity- I guess their moms do, too.
I have only gotten hopelessly lost once or twice but was saved by some over the phone navigating by Mike. And am down to getting a little bit lost to only once a week or so, and only make wrong turns every other trip, instead of every time I get in the car. It's getting better. For a while the kids took to adding "unless mom gets lost" to every plan we made. "We will be there in 10 minutes, unless mom gets lost." "We are going to be home in time for dinner, unless mom gets lost."
I was just called as the Relief Society secretary. The calling I left behind in GA. I guess I wasn't done learning from that one yet? I have only done one Sunday so far, but so far so good. Except, when they sustained me in sacrament meeting they read my name as the RS president, not secretary. So I got to have a mini heart attack for about 5 seconds, until the bishop corrected the counselor and he started over. Then I got put in the right place and felt much better.
I was feeling squished and overwhelmed with all of our stuff stacked all over the place here, so we stuck it all in storage. It is my goal to have it all back here and unpacked before school starts again so we don't have to pay for it anymore. I think I might need to buy another book case though.
We have enjoyed the benefits of apartment living when it comes to not being responsible for maintenance and lawn care, but enjoy the large yard and little space for a flower bed that comes with the townhouse. For Mother's Day I was given a flat of flowers to plant with the kids help, and so far they are still alive! Becca and Andy were a great help in getting them planted. I enjoy our close proximity to the park across the street and the elementary school that the kids can walk to- hooray for no more carpool lines!
Hopefully as things settle into our "new normal" I will be able to get things in order here then find time for things like blogging, reading, and crafting again. And to find a gym with child care so I can start running again. After I find the boxes with my sewing machine, craft supplies, and books! I have to remind myself that I just had a baby in the midst of all our chaos and to give myself and our family some time to adjust, which is harder than I thought it would be.
Mike just told me to contact a publisher so I could finish my mini novel, so I guess I am done. Pictures to come in the next post!

Empty Pots

No, this isn't a gardening post. I already wrote about that in this post. This post is more concerned with the emptiness than the growing.

There is a stack of empty flower pots sitting on my front porch. They have been there since we moved in about 6 weeks ago. They sit there collecting rain water, pollen, dust, and dandelion seeds. I don't think about them during the day, the business of life keeps them "out of sight, out of mind." I do notice them, however, every time I enter or leave the house. And I think of the things I could be growing there.
I have made plans for them many times. Lots of plans and great ideas. I have read books and blogs and articles about container gardening and helping flowers and vegetables grow in pots on porches and window sills. I think I could probably write my own article or blog post on the subject. With all my knowledge though, the pots are still empty, briming with possibility and potential and plans, but empty.
I have a house full of empty pots- blank walls waiting for decorating, pattern print outs waiting to be cut and sewn into clothes and dolls and other objects, stacks of empty journals with blank pages, and drawers of photos waiting to be put into albums or scrapbooked. I know how to do it, but findig the time and motivation to do it all is still eluding me. And I have decided that it is okay. The flowers can wait a few weeks or months or even years. And it's not that important if the walls are blank or the sewing machine stays in the box.

There are however a few "pots" that can't be neglected or postponed.

I have been watching some rebroadcasts of women's conference where Sister Beck mentions some of the womanly duties that can't be delegated or negotiated or neglected. I heard a quote from a member of the First Presidency that explains how to move into a "survival mode" of sorts when things get out of control by focusing on just the essentials. Various other sources have all sent messages of the importance of focusing on the best things, instead of getting distracted by all the good things. Roles of wife, mother, sister, and daughter. Essentials like prayer amd scripture and family time.
I have five empty pots that have to be tended to now. They have names, and needs, and I have a sacred responsibility to tend to them. My husband needs a supportive and functional wife. My four children need a mother. And all that other stuff isn't that important.
It took a big move that took me way out of my comfort zone and away from my external support network to show me that I have to create my own comfort zone. To turn to my husband- my eternal support, when I need comfort or distraction from lonliness or depression or overwhelming feelings of doubt. That the responsibility of turning an house into a home rests on my shoulders. That the family relationships are more important than all the others. Right now I have a unique gift of time- no church calling or ward family to pull either of us away in the evening or on Sundays, no school volunteer duties, no girls nights or lunch dates to provide social outlets. Just my family to focus on. And we need a date night!
I have a job to do as a mother. Right now, I'm all they've got! They are little empty pots themselves, ready and waiting for me to plant all the right seeds. Or not plant anything, and let weeds and bugs and happenstance take over. I have been finctioning in the wrong survival mode for so long that I haven't been doing much mothering. Lots of caretaking and providing, but not mothering. I filled my days with busy-ness, but not essentials.
It hit me today as I was reading a blog about the importance of reading to your children, while my toddler watched tv or played alone. I could write a great book about mothering- I know a lot about it! But knowledge doesn't do any good unless it is applied. So I turned off the screen and sat with my girls and we read lots and lots of books and played with her toys and made lunch and sang songs.
I didn't need a book or a blog to tell me how to do it, I already knew. I just needed to do it. And as I sat and thougt about it, I thought of so many other ways I knew but wasn't doing. Right now we are all facing challenges nad my children need a mother, not just someone to feed them and wash their clothes.
So I am cutting out all those extras. It is not important if the photos ever come out of the box. No one will care in the eternitities if I learned to knit socks or paint murals or grow tomatoes or if my girls go to church in matching skirts I made myself. They need long talks and warm hugs and sincere prayers to grow strong, not homemade bread or custom drapes or hand glued hairbows with giant flowers. Blogging about motherhood and marriage and eternal families isn't nearly as important as having family home evening and reading our scriptures together and going to church together.
I can drag tham all over the state this summer and take them to concerts and museums and carnivals and make clay volcanoes and toothpick towers, but it is most important to teach them to love eachother, to serve others and their families, to play together, to learn about who they are and their amazing potential and eternal destiny. I just spent a week planning our summer camp, three months packed full of outings and day trips and adventures of all sorts. I think I am going to start over with a more important focus than just keeping my kids busy. We are going to grow together and learn about love and families and working and playing together, not just stay busy. I am pretty sure that one of our activities this summer will be to grow something in those empty pots, but maybe not. I might just leave them there.

So if you come to my house and see the stack of empty pots, know that they are there on purpose- to remind me of the more important things.

A Baby in a White Dress

Elizabeth Maureen Cross was blessed on our first Sunday in MD in Nana and Papa's ward. It was unexpectedly cold!
We love our Elizabeth and are so very glad she is part of our eternal family! Thank you to those who could also come and share her special day.

Easter Snapshots

A quick look at Easter at our house:
Colored Easter eggs, nest treats with marshmallow birds, tumble bunny races, handprint lillies, sock bunnies, egg hunt, family dinner, strawberry shortcake cake, Easter baskets, and church in our new ward.
Not pictured: Easter tree poster with pictures of Jesus, resurrection rolls, FHE lesson about the savior, and lots more chocolate bunnies.

A View From the Front Seat

For Mom, who wanted to know "what it looks like" over here. I just took a bunch of pictures out the window on our drive to Easter dinner. Even in that short time it has gotten warmer and greener- all those bare trees are budding now. So there you go- lots of hills, farms, trees, and traffic. And some little towns with narrow main streets and quaint old buildings. Next time I will look for something more scenic, but that should give you an idea at least.

The Many Faces Of Our Lizzie-Bit

I was trying to get a nice head shot of her cute dimples. Never really got it, but thought you might enjoy all the attempts.
I called her Lizzie Bit once and Rebecca laughed for an hour, repeating it over and over. I'm not a fan of the name Lizzie, but it was fun to say and Rebecca seems to like it. Elizabeth seems rather indifferent. Also on the table: Libby-loo, Ellie, and just E.

Lessons Learned

Lazy posting today. Just click here. http://operationjoyinthejourney.blogspot.com/2011/05/lessons-learned.html
And the answer is tiger.

Boxes

203 items or boxes unpacked and put away. 52 to go.

In case you have been wondering where I have been lately. I am giving myself another 2 weeks to finish. If I meet my goal, I am taking myself shopping at the outlet mall that is a block from my house. Wish me luck!

And what do you do if you are a kid and all your toys are in a box? Well, turn the boxes into toys. We have a cardboard condo row in our living room now.

And finally, Becca and I took the one sunny day last week to walk to the park across the street. I hope it dries out so we can return, it was really beautiful!

Into the Wilderness

New post over HERE. I am avoiding packing.

Young Writers (mommy brag)

Yesterday Andrew brought home a permission form and this post it note:
"Andrew's writing has been selected to represent SCE kindergarten classes in the Young Georgia Authors writing contest. Please fill out this form so we can send his essay to the county level contest."
His little face was just bursting with pride, right before he broke out into the happy dance chanting "I won, I won, I won!" We are proud of him and happy that he has something to celebrate being good at.

Unfortunately we won't hear the results from the county for a few weeks, which will be too late for us since we will be moved by then. I wonder if they will still give him the award if he wins, if he has moved out of Georgia? We are hoping that luck and history are on our side, as well as some fabulous writing about "What Happens in the Spring," since Lenna won the competition in first grade.



Regardless of what happens, we are very proud of our little man. And personally, I am relieved, since it wasn't long ago that I had to bribe him to hold a pencil long enough to write his name.

Good Enough

Today I am good enough. Not super, outstanding, examplary, or even great, but good. And good is enough.

One of the ideas I have struggled with in various forms throughout my life is never feeling good enough, and when I was good enough, that good enough wasn't enough. I needed to be great, above average, excellent, or perfect. If it was worth doing, it was worth doing right- exactly and perfectly right! This has left me with a string of unfinished projects (can't finish right, might as well just not do it anymore!), lots of unmet expectations, and a whole lot of frustration!

A few years ago I was standing in the back of a relief society socail. The chairs were arranged ina large circle around the room and each woman around the circle was taking a turn introducing herself, telling her name and one thing about her that would help other people remember her. "My name is Jen and I run marathons." "My name is Hannah and I like to do food storage." "My name is Diane and my husband says I kiss better than I cook." "My name is Candes and I make cards." I remember feeling very relieved as the turns passed over me since I was standing by the door, outside of the circle because I didn't know what to say. When it did make it back around to me, I was the last person and was holding a stack of paper plates and was able to come up with something to lead into the closing prayer and refreshments, but was still unsettled. I didn't have a thing. I wasn't the runner, or the cook, or the food storage lady. I was just, well, me.

It has taken a while, but I have come to accept that I am just me. I am not the anything lady. I don't do anything amazingly well, but do lots of things good enough.

I like to bake cookies and make birthday cakes for my kids, but I am not a pastry chef. I like to cook, but no one will get excited when I walk in the door at ward potlucks.
I have a blog, but it won't win an award for great pictures or life changing stories or have a hundred follwers (in fact, this one is new, so there are no followers!)
I like to sew but am not a seamstress. I do crafts, but won't ever make them in bulk and open an etsy shop.
My food storage is store-bought canned goods and kits from the storehouse, not home grown produce or hundreds of cans on a rotation shelf.
I accept callings and serve willingly but teach forgettable primary lessons and will never sing in the chior.
I take my kids to the library and read them lots of books, but they attend public school and don't get piano lessons or speak latin.
I exercise regularly but will never run a marathon.
My house is comfortable and company clean but won't ever be in an interior design catalog.

I have a wonderful husband and a solid marriage. I have four great kids who make good choices and know they are loved. Our home is a place where the Spirit dwells and everyone is comfortable. I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see and am fairly certain that I am in good standing with the Lord.

And that is good enough.


What misconceptions or myths about womanhood have you overcome? Read more or share your own ideas for Wordfull Wednesday at Chocolate on my Cranium!

The Big Split

I have a blog. You are reading it, obviously.
But it is a confused blog. It is a mix of family journaling, photos of the kids, some craft stuff, and my odd ramblings. I actually started the blog as a home for my odd ramblings and the kids took over.
Now I am stuck. I want to keep the updates of the kids and family stuff detailed and current for all of our family that we never get to see or talk to. I also want to freely comment on other blogs, join linky parties, and leave my blog address when I enter writing contests or the like. However, I don't want the hundreds (ok, who am I kidding, dozens) of people who read those and come clicking over to see the photos of my kids or read about the school play or the soccer team and have one of them turn out to be a creepy stalker or something. So... I am stuck.
I decided to just split it. This blog is going private so I can fill it with all the kid stuff an not worry about the stalker people. This probably doesn't affect you because most people who read this blog get it sent to their email box or read it on the multiply site. Anyway, there it is. If want to keep reading, I will be happy to add you to the reader list if you are willing to come out of the stalker shadows and identify yourself.
Then I will jsut put all my ramblings, devoid of any stalker fuel, to this other blog I started a long time ago but have been neglecting. Then I can have a blog address to drag around the world wide web to make as many virtual friends as I want. Operation JOY, found by clicking those colorful words. It needs some sprucing up, but will do for now. So if you have my name in your blog sidebar, could you change it to this blog instead so your click-thru people will not get an error message?
And all the craft stuff will stay on the Froggy blog. Also safely devoid of any personal info or pictures of my kids.
So that is that. I will sleep better, and hopefully Mike will, too!
Love ya,
Jannet

More Words

I wrote that last post last night. After about 7 hours of constant crying. Not constant, maybe just 20 minutes of every hours. The other 40 went like this: 20 minutes to nurse, 10 to burp or be changed, and 10 more to feign sleep until she got put down and woke right up.
Anyway, that doesn't start until about 3 or 4PM. So up until then, life isn't really that bad around here. My positive attitude and optimism decrease rapidly when there is screaming in the background. Anyway, it is only noon right now, and she has slept peacefully in her little car seat for over an hour after sleeping 5 hours in a row last night. I thought I would throw out some of my happier thoughts  now before they are suffocated later by chaos and screaming, lest anyone out there think I am about to go off the deep end.

It is spring at our house. Last week there was a flock of about 50 robins (not counting the ones in the tree or the neighbor's yard) in our back yard poking around for worms, using the sandbox lid as a bird bath, and otherwise being birds. It was wonderful entertainment for the kids, until they thought it was more fun to run screaming outside to scare them away and watch them fly off. Watching that many flapping birds I was reminded of a scene from "The Birds" and a little creeped out.
There are five very tall white iris plants blooming along the back fence. I wonder how long they have been there and I never bothered to notice?
The red azalea bushes are blooming. The bumble bees are out. It was fun watching Becca trying to talk to one while it was hovering around the back door. "Buzzz! Buzzzzzz! Don't come in my house! Buzzzz!"
Mike has just buried the front flower beds in pine straw, in hopes of keeping the kudzu and poison ivy vines from covering the whole house while we are gone. I can't say we will miss the yard work while we are in a rental.

I wrote a post about disappearing baby socks when Becca was born. In the two years since there have been no improvements in the design of baby socks. Though we do enjoy looking at and tickling her new baby feet.




I am looking forward to movers coming and packing up everything I own and moving for me. Then, I can unpack only what I want to deal with (read: clean up) and leave the rest safely out of reach and in storage until we are ready for it. I would love to say before they come I will have everything sorted and minimized and we will only be moving the stuff we will need but I have realized that is not going to happen. So I will deal with it on the other end.

We will be losing about a third of our living space. I am hoping with some strategic organizing we can make it work without feeling too squished. I have been browsing through a few home dec blogs and think I can make it work with spaces like this "cloffice" and entry closet mud room.
And by hiding all the toys. I have a plan. I am really hoping to be making regular trips to Nana's house, Aunt Lauri's house, and Aunt Tammy's house. And I can't have my kids going over and being bored right? I will completely ignore the fact that they are prepared hosts and have a stash of toys for little visitors and will bring a milk crate or so full of ours to use. Then I will leave them there. After a trip or two, I should be able to spread out our toy closet pretty well leaving just a minimum here. Think it will work? Then the kids can't get mad at me for giving their stuff away but I only have to deal with it once in a while.
I am really looking forward to going with Mike back to his homeland.
I am trying to ignore little annoying things like:
I will be totally lost for months
we might get snow over spring break
I will lose my husband to a long commute
I have to learn to drive in the snow

And focus on the good things like:
I hear the roaches don't grow the three inches long there
that insects freeze over the winter instead
The schools are better
We will be living across the street from the school so no bus stop or carpool line
We have a nice line up of babysitters as soon as our kids get comfortable with their relatives
the scenery is beautiful
We get to play in the snow
We can have Sunday dinner with Nana
I think I can arrange some sort of regular delivery of homemade bread in exchange for something ridiculously easy like loaning out my kids to help in the garden or doing the dishes or dusting the piano
When Andrew asked me if we could plant a garden, I told him he could go dig and pull weeds in papa's garden and he was happy and I didn't have to dig anything
We can have a houseful of relatives for birthday parties and holidays 
Maybe our allergies won't be so strong there
Someone else is in charge of mowing the lawn and fixing the leaky roof
There is a playground in our backyard
We are just a commuter train ride away from a million tourist attractions in Washington DC
I am looking forward to planning a fun sibling summer camp with field trips and guest teachers and satellite locations by drawing on all our new resources (read: can we come swim in your pool, feed your cats, dig in your garden, or explore your back yard?)
We are a manageable distance from a central meeting point with our dear friends here so moving away isn't so bad

I am looking forward to starting over in a new ward. No history to determine where you serve or who you sit by. I can basically paint myself as whomever I choose. An interesting thought. I could decide to be a blond or a red head and no one would know I was faking it. No one knows I can use the computer and make me the perpetual newsletter writer or that I am a teacher and will have me teaching primary until I have memorized the lesson manuals. Not that these were bad callings, I actually enjoyed them all most of the time. But it is always interesting to see where the Lord directs them to put you when they know nothing about you.

We decided to move now and not wait until school was over or the house sold because:
We love daddy and didn't want to lose him indefinitely
I am a crappy single parent. I need back up.
Four kids can be an amazing opposition force to getting and keeping a house ready to show to potential buyers.
We thought our house would sell better and faster if it wasn't full of our stuff and people could see the gorgeous floors, big kitchen, and other details hidden in layers of kid crap.
Our kids are on the shy side and could use the attention of being the new kid when it comes to making friends.
Our kids are pretty smart and will do fine academically switching schools in the middle of the year.
Our kids are pretty smart and need to be here this year to get tested and placed in the programs they need for next year.
We miraculously had all the pieces fall into place in just a few days after weeks of frustrating dead ends, about the same time I realized I couldn't fix it all by myself and started praying for some help. Affordable house, free commute, convenient location, good school district, workable budget to carry to house payments.
And I won't have to give away my kids to keep my sanity the next few months. Or at least now I can give them away to family.

See? Not completely off the deep end.

No Words

I have nothing to say lately. I have plenty to say when I am away from the computer, but my mind goes blank when I sit here.
I have been thinking in little one-liners instead of paragraphs- the most complete thoughts I can manage in the few minutes each day the crying and needing stops long enough for me to have thoughts of my own. And it isn't really worth the trouble to blog one sentence, no matter how profound it might seem at the time. So my blog sits empty waiting for something intelligent to show up on the screen.
As a stop-gap, here is a list of single thoughts that have wandered through my mind lately, at least the ones that I can still remember.

Rebecca informed me today that "My cracker is an octagon!" Who taught her about octagons? And she was right, it was an octagon.

Elizabeth has an expressive face, esp when crying. I can watch her and tell she is not just screaming, she is actually trying to tell me something. I wish I knew what it was.

In fact that was as far as I got in one sitting before I had to go change a diaper and feed the baby to stop the crying. See, no complete thoughts.

Elizabeth is getting a bald spot right where Becca kisses her 100 times a day. Coincidence? Maybe.

I need to lose  30 pounds and see if I can find my stomach muscles. I tried on 15 pairs of pants last weekend and not a single one fit. As an alternative to sweats and pajama pants, I went out an bought myself a pair of jeans. From the women's section. It was depressing.

Rebecca asked me to make her cookies today. No, actually she wanted to make the cookies. She helped me make peanut butter cookies. Her favorite part was tasting the cookie dough and smashing the dough balls with a glass. And of course eating them.
This is the easy recipe- 1cup peanut butter, 1 cup sugar, and 1 egg.
Mix. No tasting after the egg goes in!
Form into balls. Try to keep toddler from smearing peanut butter dough all over counter and shirt. Give up on enforcing the no tasting rule.
Pour a bit of sugar on a plate. Gently shake to remove finger prints. Wash toddlers hands to remove peanut butter and sugar.
Flatten each ball with the bottom of a glass dipped in sugar. Chant "sugar, cookie, sugar, cookie" until you are done.
Bake 12 minutes or so in a 350* oven. They might bake faster with a toddler nose pressed against the oven, or might not.
Remove to cooling rack. Cool. Have a princess tea party while waiting to distract your toddler.
Then eat and share with other kids when they get home.

That above could have been a post by itself. But I didn't take any pictures. Because my free hand was bouncing a baby, who screams anytime you put her down and will only sleep while being held. And I took me three tries to write it. And all the cookies are gone already.

Saw a post on another blog about the great tv debate. my opinion- I hate tv, but I need it. I think it wastes time and money. Especially professional sports and reality tv. But I need it to get a shower or make dinner when nothing else will hold her interest and keep her from destroying everything she can reach. But I hate that it feels like I need it. And I watched Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune while nursing the baby and ignored the kids who needed to be put back to bed.

I have no calling at church and feel totally lost on Sundays.

We had a lesson on Sunday about work. I wanted to comment about being grateful for the chance to work. That I would love to be able to sit and scrub floors for an hour straight. Or do anything for an hour straight. But I didn't. Oh well.

I have a growing folder of bookmarks on my computer of things I want to make.

I want to write a post about everything I have learned about home ownership living here. And all the things I want in my next house. Before I forget what it is.

My kids were super excited when they learned we were moving in 3 weeks. It made it a lot easier to be happy about it myself.

I wonder if Lenna will be negatively set back if I can't fight to get her into the gifted class next year. Is there anything wrong with just going to normal school?

I have been considering the idea of bartering for piano lessons- preschool for your kid at my house two mornings a week in exchange for a weekly piano lesson for my two kids. What do you think? Possible? Interested?

I have been having trouble getting excited for our upcoming move. Would it be disloyal or hurtful to my current friends and situation to be happy to be leaving them all behind?

Had to take another break here.

I didn't go see Pioneer Woman at the library last weekend. And it didn't ruin my life. Good to know.

I hate it when the tv is on the baby is crying and instead of trying to help, the tv just gets turned up louder.

Ok, that is all I can get out. The tv is really loud, the crying is still louder, and there is nothing else to do but start pacing, turn on the kid's music so they can stay asleep thru the crying and loud tv, and pray. See you again at 4 am.

And no pictures.