Into the Wilderness

New post over HERE. I am avoiding packing.

Young Writers (mommy brag)

Yesterday Andrew brought home a permission form and this post it note:
"Andrew's writing has been selected to represent SCE kindergarten classes in the Young Georgia Authors writing contest. Please fill out this form so we can send his essay to the county level contest."
His little face was just bursting with pride, right before he broke out into the happy dance chanting "I won, I won, I won!" We are proud of him and happy that he has something to celebrate being good at.

Unfortunately we won't hear the results from the county for a few weeks, which will be too late for us since we will be moved by then. I wonder if they will still give him the award if he wins, if he has moved out of Georgia? We are hoping that luck and history are on our side, as well as some fabulous writing about "What Happens in the Spring," since Lenna won the competition in first grade.



Regardless of what happens, we are very proud of our little man. And personally, I am relieved, since it wasn't long ago that I had to bribe him to hold a pencil long enough to write his name.

Good Enough

Today I am good enough. Not super, outstanding, examplary, or even great, but good. And good is enough.

One of the ideas I have struggled with in various forms throughout my life is never feeling good enough, and when I was good enough, that good enough wasn't enough. I needed to be great, above average, excellent, or perfect. If it was worth doing, it was worth doing right- exactly and perfectly right! This has left me with a string of unfinished projects (can't finish right, might as well just not do it anymore!), lots of unmet expectations, and a whole lot of frustration!

A few years ago I was standing in the back of a relief society socail. The chairs were arranged ina large circle around the room and each woman around the circle was taking a turn introducing herself, telling her name and one thing about her that would help other people remember her. "My name is Jen and I run marathons." "My name is Hannah and I like to do food storage." "My name is Diane and my husband says I kiss better than I cook." "My name is Candes and I make cards." I remember feeling very relieved as the turns passed over me since I was standing by the door, outside of the circle because I didn't know what to say. When it did make it back around to me, I was the last person and was holding a stack of paper plates and was able to come up with something to lead into the closing prayer and refreshments, but was still unsettled. I didn't have a thing. I wasn't the runner, or the cook, or the food storage lady. I was just, well, me.

It has taken a while, but I have come to accept that I am just me. I am not the anything lady. I don't do anything amazingly well, but do lots of things good enough.

I like to bake cookies and make birthday cakes for my kids, but I am not a pastry chef. I like to cook, but no one will get excited when I walk in the door at ward potlucks.
I have a blog, but it won't win an award for great pictures or life changing stories or have a hundred follwers (in fact, this one is new, so there are no followers!)
I like to sew but am not a seamstress. I do crafts, but won't ever make them in bulk and open an etsy shop.
My food storage is store-bought canned goods and kits from the storehouse, not home grown produce or hundreds of cans on a rotation shelf.
I accept callings and serve willingly but teach forgettable primary lessons and will never sing in the chior.
I take my kids to the library and read them lots of books, but they attend public school and don't get piano lessons or speak latin.
I exercise regularly but will never run a marathon.
My house is comfortable and company clean but won't ever be in an interior design catalog.

I have a wonderful husband and a solid marriage. I have four great kids who make good choices and know they are loved. Our home is a place where the Spirit dwells and everyone is comfortable. I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see and am fairly certain that I am in good standing with the Lord.

And that is good enough.


What misconceptions or myths about womanhood have you overcome? Read more or share your own ideas for Wordfull Wednesday at Chocolate on my Cranium!

The Big Split

I have a blog. You are reading it, obviously.
But it is a confused blog. It is a mix of family journaling, photos of the kids, some craft stuff, and my odd ramblings. I actually started the blog as a home for my odd ramblings and the kids took over.
Now I am stuck. I want to keep the updates of the kids and family stuff detailed and current for all of our family that we never get to see or talk to. I also want to freely comment on other blogs, join linky parties, and leave my blog address when I enter writing contests or the like. However, I don't want the hundreds (ok, who am I kidding, dozens) of people who read those and come clicking over to see the photos of my kids or read about the school play or the soccer team and have one of them turn out to be a creepy stalker or something. So... I am stuck.
I decided to just split it. This blog is going private so I can fill it with all the kid stuff an not worry about the stalker people. This probably doesn't affect you because most people who read this blog get it sent to their email box or read it on the multiply site. Anyway, there it is. If want to keep reading, I will be happy to add you to the reader list if you are willing to come out of the stalker shadows and identify yourself.
Then I will jsut put all my ramblings, devoid of any stalker fuel, to this other blog I started a long time ago but have been neglecting. Then I can have a blog address to drag around the world wide web to make as many virtual friends as I want. Operation JOY, found by clicking those colorful words. It needs some sprucing up, but will do for now. So if you have my name in your blog sidebar, could you change it to this blog instead so your click-thru people will not get an error message?
And all the craft stuff will stay on the Froggy blog. Also safely devoid of any personal info or pictures of my kids.
So that is that. I will sleep better, and hopefully Mike will, too!
Love ya,
Jannet

More Words

I wrote that last post last night. After about 7 hours of constant crying. Not constant, maybe just 20 minutes of every hours. The other 40 went like this: 20 minutes to nurse, 10 to burp or be changed, and 10 more to feign sleep until she got put down and woke right up.
Anyway, that doesn't start until about 3 or 4PM. So up until then, life isn't really that bad around here. My positive attitude and optimism decrease rapidly when there is screaming in the background. Anyway, it is only noon right now, and she has slept peacefully in her little car seat for over an hour after sleeping 5 hours in a row last night. I thought I would throw out some of my happier thoughts  now before they are suffocated later by chaos and screaming, lest anyone out there think I am about to go off the deep end.

It is spring at our house. Last week there was a flock of about 50 robins (not counting the ones in the tree or the neighbor's yard) in our back yard poking around for worms, using the sandbox lid as a bird bath, and otherwise being birds. It was wonderful entertainment for the kids, until they thought it was more fun to run screaming outside to scare them away and watch them fly off. Watching that many flapping birds I was reminded of a scene from "The Birds" and a little creeped out.
There are five very tall white iris plants blooming along the back fence. I wonder how long they have been there and I never bothered to notice?
The red azalea bushes are blooming. The bumble bees are out. It was fun watching Becca trying to talk to one while it was hovering around the back door. "Buzzz! Buzzzzzz! Don't come in my house! Buzzzz!"
Mike has just buried the front flower beds in pine straw, in hopes of keeping the kudzu and poison ivy vines from covering the whole house while we are gone. I can't say we will miss the yard work while we are in a rental.

I wrote a post about disappearing baby socks when Becca was born. In the two years since there have been no improvements in the design of baby socks. Though we do enjoy looking at and tickling her new baby feet.




I am looking forward to movers coming and packing up everything I own and moving for me. Then, I can unpack only what I want to deal with (read: clean up) and leave the rest safely out of reach and in storage until we are ready for it. I would love to say before they come I will have everything sorted and minimized and we will only be moving the stuff we will need but I have realized that is not going to happen. So I will deal with it on the other end.

We will be losing about a third of our living space. I am hoping with some strategic organizing we can make it work without feeling too squished. I have been browsing through a few home dec blogs and think I can make it work with spaces like this "cloffice" and entry closet mud room.
And by hiding all the toys. I have a plan. I am really hoping to be making regular trips to Nana's house, Aunt Lauri's house, and Aunt Tammy's house. And I can't have my kids going over and being bored right? I will completely ignore the fact that they are prepared hosts and have a stash of toys for little visitors and will bring a milk crate or so full of ours to use. Then I will leave them there. After a trip or two, I should be able to spread out our toy closet pretty well leaving just a minimum here. Think it will work? Then the kids can't get mad at me for giving their stuff away but I only have to deal with it once in a while.
I am really looking forward to going with Mike back to his homeland.
I am trying to ignore little annoying things like:
I will be totally lost for months
we might get snow over spring break
I will lose my husband to a long commute
I have to learn to drive in the snow

And focus on the good things like:
I hear the roaches don't grow the three inches long there
that insects freeze over the winter instead
The schools are better
We will be living across the street from the school so no bus stop or carpool line
We have a nice line up of babysitters as soon as our kids get comfortable with their relatives
the scenery is beautiful
We get to play in the snow
We can have Sunday dinner with Nana
I think I can arrange some sort of regular delivery of homemade bread in exchange for something ridiculously easy like loaning out my kids to help in the garden or doing the dishes or dusting the piano
When Andrew asked me if we could plant a garden, I told him he could go dig and pull weeds in papa's garden and he was happy and I didn't have to dig anything
We can have a houseful of relatives for birthday parties and holidays 
Maybe our allergies won't be so strong there
Someone else is in charge of mowing the lawn and fixing the leaky roof
There is a playground in our backyard
We are just a commuter train ride away from a million tourist attractions in Washington DC
I am looking forward to planning a fun sibling summer camp with field trips and guest teachers and satellite locations by drawing on all our new resources (read: can we come swim in your pool, feed your cats, dig in your garden, or explore your back yard?)
We are a manageable distance from a central meeting point with our dear friends here so moving away isn't so bad

I am looking forward to starting over in a new ward. No history to determine where you serve or who you sit by. I can basically paint myself as whomever I choose. An interesting thought. I could decide to be a blond or a red head and no one would know I was faking it. No one knows I can use the computer and make me the perpetual newsletter writer or that I am a teacher and will have me teaching primary until I have memorized the lesson manuals. Not that these were bad callings, I actually enjoyed them all most of the time. But it is always interesting to see where the Lord directs them to put you when they know nothing about you.

We decided to move now and not wait until school was over or the house sold because:
We love daddy and didn't want to lose him indefinitely
I am a crappy single parent. I need back up.
Four kids can be an amazing opposition force to getting and keeping a house ready to show to potential buyers.
We thought our house would sell better and faster if it wasn't full of our stuff and people could see the gorgeous floors, big kitchen, and other details hidden in layers of kid crap.
Our kids are on the shy side and could use the attention of being the new kid when it comes to making friends.
Our kids are pretty smart and will do fine academically switching schools in the middle of the year.
Our kids are pretty smart and need to be here this year to get tested and placed in the programs they need for next year.
We miraculously had all the pieces fall into place in just a few days after weeks of frustrating dead ends, about the same time I realized I couldn't fix it all by myself and started praying for some help. Affordable house, free commute, convenient location, good school district, workable budget to carry to house payments.
And I won't have to give away my kids to keep my sanity the next few months. Or at least now I can give them away to family.

See? Not completely off the deep end.

No Words

I have nothing to say lately. I have plenty to say when I am away from the computer, but my mind goes blank when I sit here.
I have been thinking in little one-liners instead of paragraphs- the most complete thoughts I can manage in the few minutes each day the crying and needing stops long enough for me to have thoughts of my own. And it isn't really worth the trouble to blog one sentence, no matter how profound it might seem at the time. So my blog sits empty waiting for something intelligent to show up on the screen.
As a stop-gap, here is a list of single thoughts that have wandered through my mind lately, at least the ones that I can still remember.

Rebecca informed me today that "My cracker is an octagon!" Who taught her about octagons? And she was right, it was an octagon.

Elizabeth has an expressive face, esp when crying. I can watch her and tell she is not just screaming, she is actually trying to tell me something. I wish I knew what it was.

In fact that was as far as I got in one sitting before I had to go change a diaper and feed the baby to stop the crying. See, no complete thoughts.

Elizabeth is getting a bald spot right where Becca kisses her 100 times a day. Coincidence? Maybe.

I need to lose  30 pounds and see if I can find my stomach muscles. I tried on 15 pairs of pants last weekend and not a single one fit. As an alternative to sweats and pajama pants, I went out an bought myself a pair of jeans. From the women's section. It was depressing.

Rebecca asked me to make her cookies today. No, actually she wanted to make the cookies. She helped me make peanut butter cookies. Her favorite part was tasting the cookie dough and smashing the dough balls with a glass. And of course eating them.
This is the easy recipe- 1cup peanut butter, 1 cup sugar, and 1 egg.
Mix. No tasting after the egg goes in!
Form into balls. Try to keep toddler from smearing peanut butter dough all over counter and shirt. Give up on enforcing the no tasting rule.
Pour a bit of sugar on a plate. Gently shake to remove finger prints. Wash toddlers hands to remove peanut butter and sugar.
Flatten each ball with the bottom of a glass dipped in sugar. Chant "sugar, cookie, sugar, cookie" until you are done.
Bake 12 minutes or so in a 350* oven. They might bake faster with a toddler nose pressed against the oven, or might not.
Remove to cooling rack. Cool. Have a princess tea party while waiting to distract your toddler.
Then eat and share with other kids when they get home.

That above could have been a post by itself. But I didn't take any pictures. Because my free hand was bouncing a baby, who screams anytime you put her down and will only sleep while being held. And I took me three tries to write it. And all the cookies are gone already.

Saw a post on another blog about the great tv debate. my opinion- I hate tv, but I need it. I think it wastes time and money. Especially professional sports and reality tv. But I need it to get a shower or make dinner when nothing else will hold her interest and keep her from destroying everything she can reach. But I hate that it feels like I need it. And I watched Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune while nursing the baby and ignored the kids who needed to be put back to bed.

I have no calling at church and feel totally lost on Sundays.

We had a lesson on Sunday about work. I wanted to comment about being grateful for the chance to work. That I would love to be able to sit and scrub floors for an hour straight. Or do anything for an hour straight. But I didn't. Oh well.

I have a growing folder of bookmarks on my computer of things I want to make.

I want to write a post about everything I have learned about home ownership living here. And all the things I want in my next house. Before I forget what it is.

My kids were super excited when they learned we were moving in 3 weeks. It made it a lot easier to be happy about it myself.

I wonder if Lenna will be negatively set back if I can't fight to get her into the gifted class next year. Is there anything wrong with just going to normal school?

I have been considering the idea of bartering for piano lessons- preschool for your kid at my house two mornings a week in exchange for a weekly piano lesson for my two kids. What do you think? Possible? Interested?

I have been having trouble getting excited for our upcoming move. Would it be disloyal or hurtful to my current friends and situation to be happy to be leaving them all behind?

Had to take another break here.

I didn't go see Pioneer Woman at the library last weekend. And it didn't ruin my life. Good to know.

I hate it when the tv is on the baby is crying and instead of trying to help, the tv just gets turned up louder.

Ok, that is all I can get out. The tv is really loud, the crying is still louder, and there is nothing else to do but start pacing, turn on the kid's music so they can stay asleep thru the crying and loud tv, and pray. See you again at 4 am.

And no pictures.

Bath time

Elizabeth had her first bath. She wasn't a fan, but I think she looks like a little doll in these pictures, so I thought I would share them with you.


Warm washcloth on the belly.

 Get me out of here!

Much better.

 This would be a great picture if my skin wasn't such a weird color. . .

Getting some rest after all that work getting clean.

Happy Birthday Mike!

Last month Mike had a birthday. For his party the kids did their best to transform our house into a movie theater.

 Andrew helped turn the furniture around.

 Lenna ran a concession stand.

 Rebecca picked out the party hats.

 We turned the wall into a big screen (can you name that movie?).  

 And Elizabeth and I made a cheesecake.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

And for the record, real men wear purple pointed party hats to make their kids happy. Love you Mike!

Welcome Spring

We had a little spring weather preview last week. We enjoyed as much outside time as possible and tried to embrace the simple pleasure of play.

Simply go fly a home made kite:

Simply learn to ride a bike:

I'm looking forward to a simplified spring and summer full of simple pleasures like playing outside. What are the simple pleasures in your life right now?

Ordinary

An update post, full of the stuff that now makes an ordinary day at our house. For those of you who are wondering how we are doing but never get a chance to talk to me because I am always unavailable and busy nursing or napping or playing catch up.

First, for the grandparents and aunts and uncles-
Elizabeth is doing well. She is about 9 lbs now and has grown another inch. He red hue has faded into a rosy pink. She has grown into her wrinkles and now looks like a chubby baby instead of the saggy baggy elephant. Rebecca keeps her in a constant supply of kisses to her soft brown hair and dimpled cheeks. She has ten tiny toes and ten long fingers and a belly button that hasn't yet decided if its an innie or an outie.  Her tear ducts took a while to catch up but are not functioning at full capacity, which has ended the watery cheeks and goopy eyes.
She eats well, but most of what goes in comes right back out. We are treating for reflux and I just started a dairy-free week to test for a possible milk allergy. I already miss my midnight cereal snack and chocolate treats. And soy milk is blech.
She sleeps like a baby. She is starting to be awake more of the day time, but not enough to say she has a nap schedule or anything. She cries for a few hours before bed but sleeps the rest of the night, with breaks for feeding every few hours. Recently she has been stretching her sleeps to four or even five hours at night, for which I am grateful. If only I could convince the rest of my family to sleep during those four or five hours as well so I could sleep, too!
She had her first kitchen sink bath a few days ago. Lenna enjoyed helping and watching. Elizabeth didn't enjoy it as much but was happy to be out and snuggled after.

Rebecca is adjusting in her own way. She loves her "baby sister Elizabeth" and is very gentle and loving toward her. Mommy takes the brunt of any animosity or hard feelings. Her new favorite words are "No!", in response to any requests to do anything, even something she likes, or "I want my mommy!" in response to anyone else trying to help her or move her or breathe near her. She won't sleep unless it is in Mommy's bed, and not until mommy is right next to her. Mommy appreciates the love, but is kind of tired of the extra long nap and bed time duties. Especially at 4 in the morning when she wakes in her own room and discovers mom isn't with her, but has just put the baby back to bed and is trying to go to sleep.
She likes to steal the pacifier and claim it as her own, wants to be fed her dinner, and has watched more tv in the last month that she has in the previous six combined. But she loves to take a bath, help change diapers, or pat the baby to help with burping.
Rebecca just learned to pedal a tricycle yesterday when we borrowed one she could reach the pedals on. She also loves to ride in the stroller and go for walks, so we are trying to go out each day and take a walk. She will let me read her books while we are feeding the baby, unless she is busy scattering puzzle pieces or board games around the living room, unfolding all the towels, or climbing on the counters to find a valentine candy stash.

Andrew is doing well. I think he has grown a foot this year. We have worked hard to cut his tv and computer time down, and eliminate anything violent or scary. There has been a big improvement in his behavior problems and his nightmares. He still likes to play super heroes and pirates and star wars, but has to imagine the bad guys instead of replaying scenes from tv. The ones in his head are much more age-appropriate (although, is there even an age where violence and fighting and terror are "appropriate" viewing for anyone?)
Andrew has taken off on the reading rocket. He loves to read, especially chapter books that make him feel like a big kid and on par with his big sister. He still doesn't like to write, but loves art and music and PE at school. Lenna is teaching him to multiply when they play school. He has been a really great help the past month, when he wants to be. He came with me to the grocery store Saturday and did a great job keeping the list, pulling things off the shelves, and unloading the cart onto the check out while I held a hungry crying baby. He is learning to include Becca in his games and likes being responsible for his own list of chores- he takes out the garbage, clears the table, feeds the cat, folds towels, and runs the vacuum. When he feels like it. Other times, he is a super-stinker and jumps with both feet into the "annoying little brother" roll complete with silly songs, weird faces, pranks, surprise attacks with a Nerf gun, and stolen treasure.
He has had a break from his allergies the past month or so, which we have all enjoyed. The trees started blooming this week, so our break is over and we will start new medicine after his check up next week. I hope this spring will be easier on him than the last few. His last remaining food allergy is milk, so he and I are experimenting together with no milk this week. He thinks soy milk is blech too, but likes the coconut milk mint chip ice cream Mike brought home from the fancy organic grocery store.

Lenna is growing up fast. She was very worried about how much work she would have to be doing to help with things here after the baby arrived but seems to have settled in ok. I try not to ask too much of her and remind her to breathe when she starts to get too dramatic or to demanding of herself. And I try not to forget about her. We spent 5 minutes making a bracelet last night that seemed to make her day. Wish I had done it sooner! She stopped going to her clogging classes, it wasn't her passion and I couldn't see the point of paying for classes and hauling all the kids out to lessons when she didn't love it. Soccer started this week and she is disappointed that she isn't playing but is looking forward to swimming lessons this summer and maybe learning something new at a summer camp. With the warm weather this week she has finally had a chance to tackle her new bike and learn to ride again. I think she has got it.
Lenna just finished a report at school on Eleanor Roosevelt and now is on a hunt to find out about all the first ladies. She has started reading books in the "Dear America" series and has started asking questions about immigration, war, racism, poverty, and discrimination. Its hard to explain the KKK to a 9 yr old. I would rather go back to matching the correct villain and prince to each princess in her story book. She is excited to be moving to the DC area so she can visit the museums as often as she would like. I predict a busy summer!

Mike had a birthday last week. He wanted it to pass unceremoniously but the kids thought that was a terrible idea. Since they are the ones really in charge around here we had a party anyway. We had a family movie night.I borrowed a projector from a friend so we could turn the living room wall into a big screen. Lenna ran a concession stand in the kitchen and sold candy, popcorn, hot dogs, and nachos for monopoly money. We watched Despicable Me and had a birthday cheesecake. And we still had everyone to bed by 8!

 My "all about me" post will have to come later, but I am doing ok. Really tired, finally stopped hurting all over from child birth, and am trying to adjust to only putting two things on my to-do list, and still not getting it all done. And I think they are going to release me from my church calling because I delegated away all my duties and they haven't missed me all month. And there is a for sale sign in my front yard.

The End.

Hope you enjoyed our ordinary!