Taken for a ride

Nope, not on any form of mechanized transportation, but instead on a journey of the imagination. Let me explain.

Lenna has had a rough start to the school year. She just can't seem to find that place where she feels comfortable. It happened quickly in K, with two or three fast and good friends, a love for her teachers, and enthusiasm for the whole school experience. This year she has been nervous, scared, lonely, bored, unimpressed, etc. It has gotten slowly better, but she still hasn't found that place.

The one things she has been very excited about is riding the bus to and from school each day. The first day, she told me of a few familiar faces on the bus but was a little nervous. She met a girl in her class who could show her the ropes the first day, but it was a girl she wasn't really good friends with. Then I met Sarah.

Sarah is a girl in Lenna's class who just moved here over the summer. She started school a few days late, but was lucky enough to get a seat in Lenna's group. She, by a twist of fate, started riding the school bus just as Lenna did. She doesn't live in the area, but her grandmother bought a house up the street just so she could help tend Sarah and her siblings (two older twin brothers, and a twin sister, and two younger twin sisters) while her mother works at a beauty salon. She lets Sarah highlight her hair and Sarah promised Lenna they could put in highlights for Lenna at their first sleepover. They both decided on pink. Her grandmother used to live in Atlanta, so she could be close to her husband who lives in a nursing home there. Sarah has to ride the bus to Apple tree (A local daycare) on Fridays because her grandmother leaves on the weekend to visit her husband. Her little sisters are there all day, but Sarah and her brothers only have to go after school on Fridays. Sarah has long blonde pigtails and also eats school lunch on pizza day but not on taco day. Her house in is a subdivision near here, the blue one with the green shutters. Sarah is 6, but will turn 7 in January. Sarah and Lenna play together every recess. They are in the same reading group and are going to both dress up as Hannah Montana for Halloween.

I am sure you are wondering why I am telling you all about this girl, complete with all the details of her life. Well, keep reading!

This morning Lenna talked nearly non-stop about Sarah and their plans for recess. I was so happy she had made a new friend I suggested that Lenna give her our phone number and invite her over to play Saturday or some day after school so she didn't have to go to grandma's house. Lenna looked down at her lap, turned red, and finally sobbed out, "I can't call her mom. She isn't real. I just made her up! There is no one named Sarah on my bus or in my class. She is just in my imagination."

I was so confused. How could this little girl, with a fully detailed family history, who had played such an active role in Lenna's first grade experience so far, not be real? All those details were a carefully spun tale designed to accompany a product of my daughter's imagination. I came up with something along the lines of "Then I guess you can imagine her over for a play date anytime you want!" before I let her out in the carpool line. Then I drove home in tears.

Why? Because, well why would she have to invent a friend? Was it that bad? Was she lonely? Dealing with some traumatic experience from the bus that she can't tell me about? Did she create an imaginary seat-mate to make the trip less scary? Have I pushed her too far too soon? Was I not giving her enough attention? Do I not schedule enough play dates with real friends to keep her busy? Is she crying out for help? Or maybe she is so bored in class she has taken to making up stories in her head instead of practicing spelling words and addition? Does she need another creative outlet, more challenging work, a like-minded peer to read hard books with?

I should probably take some time now to say that this isn't Lenna's first imaginary friend. About the time I was pregnant with Andrew she made up a little sister (actually, also named Sarah!) who she blamed messes on. By the time we moved six months later she had a new friend, Lena, who was actually a pretty standard item at our house until about a year ago. She had her own chair at the table, buckled up in the car, had purple hair, etc. But we were all very aware that Lena was pretend. She came out less and less, and only at hard times, like Lenna's first day of preschool she rolled down the window halfway there so Lena could get in. She also came with us on the airplane to visit grandma, took on fairy form to move to our new house, and took the role of tea party guest when her brother was unwilling to do so. Eventually she just named all her dolls Lena and used them in her pretend games instead. I figured it was just because she was little and that was a normal part of being a preschooler. I am not sure why it was easier to accept then.

So my question is: What now? Counseling? Gifted Education? Friend intervention? More parent time? More extra curricular activities? I was leaning toward violin lessons last week. I found a teacher and a place to rent-to-own violins. Now I am thinking, forget the violin and sign my little story-teller up for Children's Theater!

Home Alone

Last Saturday was our ward's Super Saturday, a day when you spend a whole Saturday with other women at he church in classes, workshops, doing crafts, etc. Well, I went early to help set up. I think if I hadn't had a job to do I would not have gone, so I guess that part of my calling is working (see this post). I also ended up coming home about a half hour late.
When I arrived, the back door was wide open, the lights were all on, the tv in the back room was on, and Mike and the kids were no where to be found! Of course, it was also raining and blowing all sorts of stuff. I was worried something very bad had happened, causing Mike to rush out w/o even remembering to shut things down or close the door behind him. I was thinking up all sorts of ER situations. It took him about 30 minutes to answer his cell phone.
During that time, between worst-case scenario imaginings, I grabbed the broom and went through the house searching for any of our wild animal friends who might have wandered in to escape the storm. I still keep a look out at night or when opening closets, but no animals were discovered.
Of course no one was hurt. Lenna had conned him into taking them to Monkey Joe's, a giant inflatables playground indoors here. He was to busy climbing the giant slide to answer his phone. And he had left the kids in charge of turning off the TV and closing the door.
Anyway, after I was assured that everyone was alive and well I was faced with . . . ALONE TIME!
Now, I have never been home alone in this house before. Isn't that awful? Mike is here for a date night if the kids are at a sitter's. I leave them places but only while I have somewhere to be or I leave them home with Mike. I felt strange. It was different than knowing they were sleeping in another room or something. I didn't quite know what to do with myself.
I ended up finishing the genealogy art project I had started at church and then starting dinner. Then I took a nap!
And I needed it when the kids arrived home an hour later starving for food and mommy attention, resulting in demands that didn't end until they were asleep in bed later that night.
Anyway, I thought it was so strange to not have been alone here for such a long time. I did in our old apartment when Andy started playschool and Lenna as in preschool, once a week I found myself alone. But not since I started working. I think that I have to somehow arrange a little more time for myself to be home alone! Maybe it won't happen until this baby is old enough for a play date swap, in about two years. I hope I can wait that long!

Discouraged, not disappeared!

I bet you thought I had thrown in the towel after that last post, huh?
Sorry about that. It has been a very hard last few weeks. I will spare you the play-by-play, but lets just say if I don't get a "normal" week soon, we are not going to make it. Although I just had a terrible thought- what if this is normal? What if this is how it will always be, and I just have to adjust? *shudder* I will have to come back to that thought later.
Anyway, we have been very busy and I am still trying to find the routine that works best for us, so that I can get everything done, get where I need to be on time, fulfill all my responsibilities, and not feel dead by the end of the day. So far, no luck!
Anyway, I am still here, still surviving, still driving the same car (but it is fixed), just too busy to write about it. Definitely more later when I can think of something to write about other than a list of what has been keeping us so busy.

Am I too Old to Have a Tantrum?

If so, too bad! Because I really, really need one right now. I spend all day with four year olds, maybe they are rubbing off on me a little. So that is your warning!

I HATE THIS CAR! I HATE THIS STUPID, OLD, BROKEN CAR THAT NEVER WORKS!!

There I feel a little better. Can I just tell you all the trouble I have been having lately?

First, it messes up my vacation by getting a blowout on the freeway (2 of 4 tires replaced) on the way to our hotel the first night.

Next, we get two flats on the same tire in two days, causing three trips to the tire shop and missed work and canceled plans (3 of 4 tires replaced).

Then, we spend $600 to replace the cooling system, after weeks of overheating and leaks and all that fun stuff that made driving just a huge pain. The check coolant light started blinking again this morning. Just three days later.

And today as I am leaving work I hear that familiar "thump-thump" and pull over to find another flat. At least I was still in the parking lot so didn't get stuck on the road, I had an A/C building to sit in. Of course, today is the day Mike starts his fall classes, keeping him away from home from 6AM to 10PM. So I am stuck trying to figure things out by myself. A nice guy in the gym traded his workout on the bars for a workout with my jack and spare, and Rosetta got Lenna from school, and we all are having dinner at the mall tonight while I get the tire changed (4 of 4 tired replaced in the last 5 months).

It also needs a tune up and the transmission fixed (it has a drag of sorts), estimated at about $300.

For a total of $1,300+ dumped into the car I now really hate, but it has a new cooling system and 4 new tires if anyone wants to trade!

One more moment please-

"I REALLY REALLY WANT A NEW CAR! SOMETHING NEW AND SHINY AND IMPRACTICAL THAT NEVER BREAKS. UNTIL THEN, I STILL HATE THIS DUMB OLD CAR!"

There. I am done. Thanks for listening.

The First Week of School

Well, we have made it through the first week. It brought anticipation, excitement, tears, sadness, pride, and was just a bit overwhelming!

We started the week with a mini-party, complete with a school bus cake. I did one last year for Lenna and a bunch of friends to get excited for K and seemed to have started a tradition. We toned it down this year, just us and the kids. I didn't have Mike's mom here to help and wasn't really in a party planner mood. I missed the company, it was so nice to come home that first week to a clean house and have someone else already starting dinner! You are invited back for next August, Jeanne!

The cake- turned out more boot-ish than last time, I forgot I was working with a square instead of a rectangle. But they ate it anyway!

Lenna has started first grade. She is having a hard time adjusting to a new teacher, new classroom, new routine, and of course making new friends while trying to keep tabs on the old ones. She ended up with just one child from her K class in her first grade class- which was kind of scary on the first day. Her teacher is pretty young, I think this is only her second or third year teaching- which could really go either way. I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt, so far so good! She already had Lenna read to her from the third grade readers she had on hand and is working on getting her into an advanced resource class. I am not a huge fan of pull-out programs but it is better than wasting another year sitting bored through "see spot run" with the rest of the class. Lenna likes her, and I only had to carry her to class in tears once this week (I think she just stayed up too late). She seems to be adjusting ok and has discovered a friend from her class on the bus.

Lenna on the first day at pick up. She loves this dress. And there is Andy in the background, running away again. He needs a leash in public!

Lenna, tying her new shoes. Must have sneakers for PE! And the new backpack. I am so very proud, the only characters she is sporting are on her underwear! I am fighting hard against the Hannah Montana media giants. So far, we are at an impasse!

Which brings us to our next big change, the bus! Lenna will be riding the bus every morning now and three afternoons a week. I am trying to save some gas and some time and making things a little simpler when the baby comes. So far, she seems to like riding in the morning. She refused to let me take her picture by the bus, though. She hasn't taken the bus home yet, so we will try that this week and see how it goes. Andrew asks each day when it will be his turn to ride the bus, too. What is it about boys and things with wheels?

Lenna also started gymnastics class once a week. She liked it the first day and is learning quickly. As soon as she gets over her fear of heights and can stand up straight on the balance beam, she will be good to go! I know that at this age it doesn't matter too much, but she isn't really built like a gymnast- her arms and legs are just too long. So this will not be a lifetime sport or hobby. We are still leaning toward ballet for next year and whatever sport she shows an interest in. So far, nothing has appealed to her but we will see as she gets older. She liked volleyball in PE and was very proud to be the fastest runner at field day.


Andrew has started preschool this year. His teacher is fabulous, I can tell he really loves her, I couldn't have chosen better myself! Wait, I did chose, and his teacher is me!


I was a little hesitant to have him with me at first, and he is the youngest in the class by nearly a year, but he seems to fit in fine. He even has gotten into the habit of calling me "Miss Jannet" while at school. All of his friends from church are there, so it wasn't a huge adjustment for any of us. It was nice going in on the first day of school and knowing just what to expect from each child because I have been watching them since last year in the nursery, through sunbeams, and CTR class. I knew who I would have to pry off mom's skirt, who would be under the table during circle time, and who was going home with red card for hitting. No, I don't teach at an LDS school, but it just worked out that 8 of my 11 are LDS. I guess it is the draw of a preschool that is not ran by another church, which are really hard to find around here.


Anyway, Andrew has been very excited to be in the big kid class. He is working hard and this week has asked me to teach him to read. I thought he was too young, so he went to Lenna who taught him to sound out words. He is very, very close. He gets tripped up on letters that don't follow the rules (I need to get him an easy phonics reader) and is determined to learn whether I teach him or not, so I am just going to do it. He also excited about his new Batman back pack. He is willing his feet to grow overnight so he can get some new shoes with laces to tie, since I won't buy him new ones until his current footwear becomes too small. He didn't want me to take his pictures, but here are a few I took anyway. He wanted to sign up for baseball this year, but I think we will give him another year to just be a kid at home with mom. He has settled for backyard rounds with us instead.


I think I am having the hardest time adjusting. I can't seem to find a routine that works well for us every day. I get up earlier and earlier, and still can't get out the door as soon as I would like. Dinner seems to be creeping later each night, pushing back bedtime and making the kids cranky the next day. And well, I am completely exhausted by the time I get Andrew home for the afternoon at 2, and just kind of go through the motions the rest of the day, dozing in the carpool line, throwing together a 15 minute dinner, and counting down the minutes until bed time. Definitely not how I want to be spending my weeks! I hope I can find something better the next few weeks!


And of course, now that I have a fully functioning car again, it will make things a little easier. We had to replace the water pump and all the cooling system hoses. I guess in a car with 120,000+ miles on it that is 10 years old we should expect to have to start replacing parts. Anyway, it is nice to not have to keep one eye on the thermostat everywhere I go and to pour gallons of water/coolant in every morning before we start out on our adventures. I am tempted to go back into college and major in auto shop. It could really come in handy, much more than the masters in library science I was planning on! I mean, knowing where to find all the auto shop books wouldn't come in nearly as handy as actually being able to use them to fix your water pump ans save $600!


It is kind of strange at work lately. It is hard putting my whole heart in it when I know I will be leaving in just a few months. I find myself planning ahead farther than I should- "This would be great for Christmas time" or "This will work well in our spring unit" only to remind myself that I have no control over what will be happening those times! I will be stretching it to get the Halloween stuff in! At least the last day will not be a big goodbye day, as I will see the majority of the kids in church every week (even if it is as Sister Jannet, like a nun!) and will still be bringing Andy in a few days a week. That will be another challenge, to step back into the parent roll and have no real control over what he does the rest of the year. Even when he was in a different, class I could influence a little of what went on through feedback to the teachers in staff meetings and by sharing activities and songs I thought his class would like. Now, I will just have to watch and see what the new teacher does with "my room", "my plans", and "my kids". I know it will be hard!

"My calendar wall"


So I guess that is it! And here is a picture of my little cook, making toast to surprise me with breakfast in bed (see two posts down). I regret interrupting his surprise, it would have been interesting to see what he came up with on his own.

Suicidal Three Year-old?

I was having lunch at chick-fil-A with Andrew this afternoon. That is one of our favorite places to eat, I am always impressed by their clean restaurants, healthy menu choices, and small kid friendly play rooms. Anyway, Andrew and I stopped there in between meetings and errands for lunch.

Before he would eat his chicken nuggets he reminded me that we forgot to pray. Not one to discourage meal prayers, even in public places, I agreed. I whispered a fast blessing on the food and said Amen. Andrew said "I forgot the end! Wait!" I thought he was just going to echo Amen but instead he folded his arms and added this request: "please come down and help me die so I can go back up"

What?!?!

I had him explain- he wanted to die because he wanted to go back to Heaven to be with Jesus and heavenly Father because he missed them. He also added that he could start praying that I die, too so I wouldn't miss him.

How do you respond to that? I settled for "Ok. Maybe we can pray to die later, when you are old so we don't miss things like driving a race car or becoming a daddy or being a garbage truck worker." I will use whatever leverage I have!

And that isn't the first time he has said something like that. He asked one day driving home when he could die so he could talk to Heavenly Father again and tell him about his day. I explained he could pray whenever and whatever he wanted and that Heavenly Father would listen to him. And he took me at my word and has been having casual conversations quite regularly now.

My emotions have been a little crazy ever since.

For one, is life in our house really that bad? That he would be dying to get out of here and "back home?" I need to try harder to be nice at bed time and give him more chocolate milk and have more fun. Super mother guilt is overwhelming here!!!

Second, I am scared to death (hopefully not literally!) because we all know that the prayers of the little ones are answered first! And Andrew has some pretty strong faith! He prays for everything-from help picking up his trucks, to blessing the food, to scaring away monsters at bed time. And it usually works. So now I am terrified that he might just get his wish. Every sniffle could turn into meningitis or pneumonia or an asthma attack. Is the next time he darts away from me in the parking lot going to be the last time? The next time he "Superman!"s off the back of the couch and knocks his head, will that golf ball sized bruise really be a skull fracture or brain hemorrhage? Or will he just disappear during the night after I have yelled at him one too many times to get back in bed?

I am right on the verge of becoming the crazy, over-protective mother now. And I am starting to pray a lot more often for the safety of my little ones.

What now?

I wish I was a dentist, or an auto mechanic, or...

Wondering how we survived our crazy over-scheduled week? We didn't!

We ended up nixing about half the list. Well, I did. The kids were ready to keep going but I was worn out by Tuesday afternoon.

We did go school shopping- two pink sneakers, one pink dress, and one package of Hannah Montana underwear later, we were done. Except of course for the list of school supplies we got at open house, so it was back to the store for those. I was going to say the long list of school supplies, but after reading some of the others people have to deal with, I figured I was getting off easy with pencils, crayons, markers, and glue.

We did frequent the pool, where my children were so exhausted by Wednesday night they had to be towed from the slide pool by the life guard because they didn't have the strength to kick to the edge. That's when I knew we better slow down a little, and spent most of our remaining time at home. The zoo will have to wait!

We spent Thursday morning at the dentist. Hence the title. No cavities, just cleaning and a forecast for lots of expenses!
Andy needs sealants on 8 teeth at $50 each.
Lenna needs fillings on two molars, that somehow came out w/o enamel (? I blame Mike's side of the family) and needs 8 baby teeth removed so the permanent ones can grow in. Right now they are so crowded that the big teeth are pressing on so many little teeth, they are all caught up and just sitting there. Anyway, they will pull 4 at a time so she isn't completely toothless. So sedation, two fillings and four extractions cost $400. So four more out at the next visit, plus they want to put in a jaw expander for her upper jaw so her teeth have a chance to grow in w/o having to pull permanent teeth later, and the price for the fancy cemented on retainer is a lovely $800. All that is just our share, we actually do have dental insurance. They better enjoy chewing for the next two years, as they will be eating with our car fund and vacation money.

We recovered from the dentist by going to the movies and seeing WALL-E. I liked it, as soon as I was able to get past the pet cockroach. Figures that after 700 yrs of garbage-filled cities, no water or life of any kind, that the roaches would survive! Anyway, the kids really liked it and there were no singing and dancing teenagers, which was a nice change for Lenna.

Friday the kids spent the day with a friend while I went to the doctor. Still medically boring, and finally gaining weight on schedule. I had to get the diabetes test done (yuck!) but was able to count it as alone time since I had to sit in the waiting room for an hour and read.

Sadly, the car overheated again on the way home so it took a little longer than expected. My poor car. I cry every time I think about it. Mostly out of frustration. Anyway, it goes through about two gallons of coolant/water every day now. I know there is a leak, but don't know where. And even if I did, I couldn't do anything about it. For now, I am just driving as little as possible and praying it will hold on a little longer until we can pay to have it fixed, and that I don't get stranded somewhere between now and then. We may end up with the van a few months sooner than we planned.

I was able to borrow a copy of the last Twilight book from a friend and managed to finish it in just two days. It was interesting. I don't know if I really liked it or not, but of course I couldn't put it down until the end.

This morning I woke up to the sound of the step stool being dragged across the kitchen floor and cupboard doors slamming. I knew there was trouble!

I hurried to the kitchen to find Andy standing at the counter very carefully spreading peanut butter on toast. He had plugged in the toaster and made toast. He couldn't find the butter, so settled on peanut butter. He used a potholder to remove the hot bread, and even remembered to put the twist-tie back on the bread bag. I was proud of him, and of course alarmed at the thought of what could have happened if he wasn't so successful. Anyway, he explained he was trying to make me breakfast in bed! He finished the toast, added yogurt and a glass of milk (yes, the milk did end up all over the table as he enthusiastically poured it himself, but he was just as eager to clean up himself, so I couldn't really be upset) and served me at the table, since I was no longer in bed. It was very sweet, and I have never enjoyed dry peanut butter toast more!

Summer Countdown!

Yikes! Only 1 week left until the first day of school. I have one week to cram in a whole summer's worth of plans that we never got around to. I am feeling some serious mother guilt here! So here is our list, each day this week broken into three sections- morning, afternoon, and evening.

Monday: bill pay and errands, back-to-school shopping, and visit the pool for FHE (it counts as long as we are all together, right?)

Tuesday: play date or fountain park, clean the house, and go back to the pool (can you tell my kids are really into the pool? They have just graduated to the water slide, and are totally excited!)

Wednesday: friends over for a play date, visit the lending library, and go back to the pool.

Thursday: play date or park day, go to the movies, and go to open house at Lenna's school.

Friday: play date/doctor's appt, clean the house, and go back to the pool (me to RS)

Saturday: go to the zoo, picnic at the zoo, and yep, back to the pool

Sunday: church, rest (sure!), and back-to-school celebration with a bus-shaped cake and ice cream.

Monday is the big day! Andrew will be in my class, Lenna will be off to 1st grade, gymnastics, and book club. Mike starts back this month as well. I wonder if it is sad that our life will slow down after the baby comes! I am still determined to find some time in the evenings to get my reading done, my calling done, and get Christmas ready. Wish me luck!

Here is a picture of my three latest craft projects and what I have been up to at work.

Kitty, booties, and hat!

Cardboard castle for fairytale week.

Under sea wall for ocean week.

We had our open house last week at school. That had been sucking up all my free time the last few weeks, I am so glad it is done! I still have to update the website but at least I don't have to go in all week.

I am officially into my third trimester! The time has gone by so much faster than I thought it would. It occurred to me that if I do go into labor on my own, I am going to need some back up. So my biggest project for the next few weeks is putting together a list of people I can call in an emergency to pick up my kids from school, take them in the middle of the night, or drive me to the hospital if I can't get Mike home fast enough. This is the time when I really miss having a grandma or aunt right down the street!


Last Thursday I went to a girl's night out at a friend's house. We sat and ate junk food (red Swedish fish, jr mints, and peanut butter M&Ms- she knows the way to win my allegiance!) and played a game called BUNKO. An interesting fact, the outcome is determined entirely by chance, so there is no skill involved, except maybe being able to grab the dice as fast as you can so you get as many turns as possible. Other than that, it is not my fault of I win or lose. I kind of like that! And it is not taxing on the brain, so you can socialize instead of plan your next move. I am not sure if I will get to play again at their monthly get-togethers because of our schedule, but it was fun anyway.



If I survive until the end of the week, I will be amazed! I am going to haul the camera (with fresh batteries!) around to document the chaos of the next week, then check back in!



Happy last week of summer vacation!