Lessons Learned

Lazy posting today. Just click here. http://operationjoyinthejourney.blogspot.com/2011/05/lessons-learned.html
And the answer is tiger.

Good Enough

Today I am good enough. Not super, outstanding, examplary, or even great, but good. And good is enough.

One of the ideas I have struggled with in various forms throughout my life is never feeling good enough, and when I was good enough, that good enough wasn't enough. I needed to be great, above average, excellent, or perfect. If it was worth doing, it was worth doing right- exactly and perfectly right! This has left me with a string of unfinished projects (can't finish right, might as well just not do it anymore!), lots of unmet expectations, and a whole lot of frustration!

A few years ago I was standing in the back of a relief society socail. The chairs were arranged ina large circle around the room and each woman around the circle was taking a turn introducing herself, telling her name and one thing about her that would help other people remember her. "My name is Jen and I run marathons." "My name is Hannah and I like to do food storage." "My name is Diane and my husband says I kiss better than I cook." "My name is Candes and I make cards." I remember feeling very relieved as the turns passed over me since I was standing by the door, outside of the circle because I didn't know what to say. When it did make it back around to me, I was the last person and was holding a stack of paper plates and was able to come up with something to lead into the closing prayer and refreshments, but was still unsettled. I didn't have a thing. I wasn't the runner, or the cook, or the food storage lady. I was just, well, me.

It has taken a while, but I have come to accept that I am just me. I am not the anything lady. I don't do anything amazingly well, but do lots of things good enough.

I like to bake cookies and make birthday cakes for my kids, but I am not a pastry chef. I like to cook, but no one will get excited when I walk in the door at ward potlucks.
I have a blog, but it won't win an award for great pictures or life changing stories or have a hundred follwers (in fact, this one is new, so there are no followers!)
I like to sew but am not a seamstress. I do crafts, but won't ever make them in bulk and open an etsy shop.
My food storage is store-bought canned goods and kits from the storehouse, not home grown produce or hundreds of cans on a rotation shelf.
I accept callings and serve willingly but teach forgettable primary lessons and will never sing in the chior.
I take my kids to the library and read them lots of books, but they attend public school and don't get piano lessons or speak latin.
I exercise regularly but will never run a marathon.
My house is comfortable and company clean but won't ever be in an interior design catalog.

I have a wonderful husband and a solid marriage. I have four great kids who make good choices and know they are loved. Our home is a place where the Spirit dwells and everyone is comfortable. I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see and am fairly certain that I am in good standing with the Lord.

And that is good enough.


What misconceptions or myths about womanhood have you overcome? Read more or share your own ideas for Wordfull Wednesday at Chocolate on my Cranium!

Admitting you have a problem is the first step

We all have one. That closet addiction that we never actually admit exists. My sister hoards shoes. My husband and father-in-law collect computers and their various parts. My grandmother has a ball of yarn in any color you can imagine. I collect books.
We are approaching a move and I have a feeling I know just where the majority of our weight will come from- the piano, the entertainment center, the bunk beds, and my books. The shelves have become the focus of my de-cluttering effort. I filled three boxes with "grow into" books for the kids and stuck them in storage. Another full of Christmas books. Then four more boxes to sell to a used book store. I earned $60 in store credit, then spent it on more books. I know, I have a problem. Want to see?
Lenna's room:

 Andy's room:

 Kid books in the living room:

 Mom and Dad clutter in the living room (these are the ones I am supposed to get rid of before we try to sell the house):

I often blame it on my teacher training- never get rid of a good book! My daughter is a book collector as well. She wants to be a writer and drive a book mobile to towns where there isn't a library when she grows up. I think if I can bring myself to part with them, she can stock her book  mobile with just our books.

We are a book family. We are regulars at the library, and have to bring abut three totes to hold our selections. 

We start as early as possible exposing our kids to books and stories and reading aloud. My toddler even reads her board books to the cat. She was trying to get him to pat the soft bunny, but he wasn't interested.

We give books as presents. Santa, the Easter bunny, Grandma, and school book orders all contribute to our stash.

My parents recently moved and had to down-size and had a huge yard sale. My entire childhood was spread out on the lawn for strangers to pick through. I didn't care about the totes of barbie dolls or stuffed toys, the baby blankets, or tables covered in knick knacks and old dishes. I was having nightmares about her emptying the bookshelves full of children's books before I could get on a plane and go through them myself. I had to ship myself a few boxes because I couldn't fit them in my luggage.

So I admit I have a thing for books. I really don't discriminate between books. Besides tons of children's lit, we have craft books, garden books, parenting books, church books, poetry books, travel books, college text books, books in Russian and Arabic, art books. Fiction that stretches from Anne and Gilbert to wizards and vampires and hobbits to pioneers and secret gardens. Since I got a nook for my birthday a few months ago, I have added another few hundred e-books to the collection as well, though those are easier to store.

Why is it then, that at a Relief Society mixer a month ago, I had the luck of drawing the "get-to-know-you" question of "What is your favorite book?" and had absolutely nothing to say? Nothing. I think I gave the title of the last book I had read- something from the diaper bag that rhymed and featured cartoon characters. I think I love too many to pick. 

So when I was asked to write today about my favorite book from my childhood, I laughed. How about a list?
I don't remember that one special book from my childhood that I had to read every night or anything. The earliest book I can remember is this one- the one I couldn't find when culling through my parent's book shelves a few summers ago. And it's out of print. Maybe that's why I want it? Mom, if you come across this one some place, I want it! And if my sisters are reading and managed to snag this one first, I still want it. I'll trade you the Poky Little Puppy for it.

I do remember loving books and resenting being restricted to choosing only 3 items from each book order form I brought home from school. I remember lots of Little Golden Books, The Bearenstien Bears, the Serendipity books, the Mr . Men books and many others. I still have copies of "The Secret Garden" and "Five Children and It" that were given to me by my fourth grade teacher.
As I got older and moved on to chapter books, I gravitated toward series. Easier to chose that way- just find one you like and read the ones that follow! I plowed through Super Fudge, Ramona, Encyclopedia Brown, American Girls, and the Moffats before moving on to The Babysitter's Club, Nancy Drew, Little House on the Prairie, and Anne of Green Gables.
I think that the Secret Garden and the Ramona books are my favorites. I loved the idea of having a place to call my own or wandering down the dark halls of a giant mansion! And I easily related to Ramona as the frustrated little sister with a tendency to get into trouble.

I have really enjoyed sharing some of my favorites with my kids as they get older, especially from the very same books I scrawled my name into the front cover of as a kid.

And now after all that, I feel completely justified in my book collections. Maybe I can store the books and get rid of the entertainment center and the bunk beds instead?

Let Me Count the Ways

Wordfull Wednesday Topic:
"Caring for your Family - How do you let them know you care about them? What do you do as parents to show your children they are loved? "Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children." (Family Proclamation, paragraph 6)"

Well, I could go on about the importance of nurturing each relationship daily, or the importance of dating your spouse, or hugging your kids, or communicating to them in their own "love languages" but it is late and I don't feel like it! Instead, a quick list of everything I did today because I love my husband and children.

1. Woke up at 4am to put crying baby back to bed
2. Hit snooze on alarm clock instead of hitting the man who set the alarm clock for 430AM and went back to bed until 6
3. Kissed husband good bye, it doesn't matter if my eyes were still closed
4. Changed baby's diapers
5. Poured milk on cereal and did other "getting ready for school" tasks when I would rather be sleeping
6. Removed mad money cash from wallet and put it in an envelope labeled "lunch money" for second grader
7. Compelled baby to buckle into car seat so she wouldn't be smooshed if the lady behind me in the carpool line hit us
8. Compelled baby to buckle into stroller in case I collapsed while exercising and stroller rolled away into fence
9. Fed cat stinky food that makes me gag but keeps him healthy which makes my kids happy
10. Washed dishes
11. Picked up and washed husbands socks, even though he left them on the floor
12. Folded laundry that I didn't wear or get dirty
13. Put baby down for a nap so she could be happy not cranky (ok, this one was mostly for me)
14. Planned a dinner menu, made a grocery list, and went to the grocery store
15. Kissed boo-boos
16. Picked children up from school so they don't have to ride the scary bus home
17. Hugged children in greeting
18. Greeted husband at door with a hug and kiss
19. Put away groceries, including healthy yucky foods and not-so-healthy foods
20. Made dinner
21. Had kids empty dishwasher and set table
22. Limited TV and computer time
23. Read a book
24. Let 8yr old lead FHE
25. Prayed together
26. Ate ice cream (OK, that was for me, too)
27. Helped with homework by looking up "tawny" and proof-reading an essay on what we will be doing this summer
28. Glued a thousand squares of confetti to help with family art project
29. Washed glitter glue off baby
30. Made them brush their teeth
31. Turned off 8 yr old's alarm clock and confined her to her bed until at least 7AM
32. Wouldn't let 5 yr old sleep wearing his sneakers and assured him he wouldn't forget to put them on in the morning
33. Sang a lullaby
34. Dried tears
35. Force-fed baby antibiotics
36. Wiped many snotty noses
37. Washed more dishes
38. Located field day shirt and sun screen for tomorrow
39. Washed ballet leotard and tights for rehearsal tomorrow
40. Set ballet slippers on counter to remember to clean tomorrow
41. Helped pay bills
42. Waited up to go to bed at the same time as my husband
43. Hasn't happened yet, but  know I will be up at least twice with a kid or two in the night

Ok, at least 43 and today didn't include any dead things, bug catching, band-aids, or fist fights. Those count double, along with diapers and snot.

How do I love thee? More than I can count, or to quote my oldest- To infinity and back!   

Equal Partners

Today's Wordfull Wednesday topic:
Being Equal Partners, What does that mean to you? "In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." (Family Proclamation, paragraph 7)

I couldn't think of anything witty or entertaining to say about this. I really didn't want to be introspective and write about how much more I could be doing of "my fair share" or all the times I felt like I was over worked but brought back to reality by my tired husband and my messy kitchen on the days I spent out with a friend specifically avoiding the dishes. I didn't want to make a list of how we divide the responsibilities around here because I was afraid of whose would be longer. If mine was, I might just let it go to my head and get lazy. If his was, I might have to actually do more and don't think I could handle that either!

Instead, I have been paying attention this week to some ways we help each other as partners. Here are a few examples that illustrate what our marriage partnership is all about.

I usually do the meal planning and cooking because if we waited for Mike to do it, we wouldn't eat until bed time. On Tuesday, when I called on the way home from the pediatrician and said, "We all have strep, even me and the baby," he didn't hesitate to pick up the prescriptions on his way home and take care of dinner even though he had just put in 10 hours at work.

We usually tag-team bedtime, but I do it all during "24" and he takes over during "The Amazing Race."

Mike gets a rash from weed whacking and mowing the lawn, and I have allergies to grass and flowers. So we pay someone to do it.

He goes to work every day to earn money even when the crying baby kept us up all night and when he really doesn't want to. I try not to spend it frivolously. He spent three years in night school to earn a degree so he could better provide for our family. I was basically a single parent on the weekdays while he was at work and school and I didn't complain too much about it, except on scout nights.

When we were buying our first house and needed more income, I got a part time job and Mike did his own laundry on the days I never got around to it and never complained about the days when he couldn't see the living room rug.

The kids know that a "No" from Mom means just as much as a "No" from Dad so there is no point in getting a second opinion.

He drove to ballet practice while I coached soccer.

When the home teacher left last night at 6:45 and Mike was searching the kitchen for leftovers and realized that there wasn't even firsts made yet, he went out and turned on the grill while I cut fruit and we had dinner ready in 20 minutes.

And the greatest illustration of equality in our marriage this week- I voluntarily handed over my Khol's cash so he could go get a killer deal on new shoes today while I stayed home with the sick baby, instead of socking it away for a retail therapy session next week.

Want to read more? Head over to Chocolate on my Cranuim for Wordfull Wednesday!

Because I am a Mother

Because I am a mother,
My to-do list will never be completed
I will not be getting a solid night of sleep any time soon
There will always be socks to match and clothes to fold
My shopping cart will contain three kinds of milk, brightly colored breakfast cereal, and crackers shaped like animals
The bathroom sink will be smeared with sparkling toothpaste every morning and night
Cheerios will always be under the dining table, in the car seat, and in the diaper bag
There will be toys, books, and blankies on my couch at all times
There are safety locks on my cabinets, gates on the stairs, covers on the outlets, and nothing but indestructibles in the bottom kitchen cabinets
I will never wear skinny jeans or have six-pack abs
There are finger prints on the windows and doors

Because I am a mother,
I can change diapers in small spaces, on moving targets, in less than 30 seconds, and in the dark
I can nod in understanding instead of condemnation when I pass a toddler having a tantrum in the cereal aisle
I know the cartoon character features on the waistband of every brand of disposable diaper
I can swaddle a baby doll in a cloth napkin
I have a favorite smelling brand of baby shampoo
I know about five point harnesses, latch hooks and tether straps, locking clips, and booster seats
I sort toys boxes and Halloween candy for choking hazards and lead paint
I can mix formula in a moving vehicle, breastfeed in a crowded restaurant, and know which chains serve applesauce as a side dish
I buy tissues, vapor rub, Motrin, decongestant, and band aids in bulk quantities
I have the appointment line at the pediatrician's office on my speed dial

Because I am a mother,
I can get up at 3 in the morning to hold my daughter's hair while she gets sick or help stop a bloody nose or nurse a baby or chase away a nightmare
I can change diapers, wipe bottoms, brush teeth, wipe noses, wash faces, and bandage scrapes without getting sick, but only for my own children

Because I am a mother,
I know three ways to make chicken nuggets from scratch
I have eaten cereal for dinner
I know how to hide veggies and fruit in foods my kids like
I have made more peanut butter sandwiches than I can count
I decorate tiny cupcakes at 10PM for class parties
I can make a birthday cake for $3 look almost as good as a $30 cake from the store
I have cut Jello with cookie cutters, put food coloring in mashed potatoes, and only ever fill glasses half way
I bake cookies for someone else
Most of my kitchen tools are in the sand box, there are tiny flour hand prints on my jeans when I bake, and I never get to lick the beaters anymore

Because I am a mother,
I know what a striker does on a soccer team
I know French words for ballet poses
I can demonstrate a pike position
I have cheered for home runs, soccer goals, and cartwheels
I know the difference between phonics and whole language instruction
I can sing the days of the week to five different tunes
I have twirled like a ballerina, waltzed with Cinderella, wiggled to the chicken dance, done the hokey pokey in the living room
I know where to look for ladybugs on the playground, how to catch ants for an ant farm, and have picked up slugs, snails, and grasshoppers to put in a jar

Because I am a mother,
I can wield a light-saber or a pirate sword with a baby on my hip
I have fought aliens, pirates, monsters, and witches
I have played the part of evil stepmothers and handsome princes, robotic aliens and masked heroes
I have created batman masks and princess tiaras and holiday t-shirts with nothing but a glue gun and a sharpie
There will always be crayons, cars, lollipops, and band-aids in the bottom of my purse
I have caught and fed lizards, turtles, frogs, bugs, and fish
I know the theme song to cartoons and find myself humming them in random places
I will always narrate as I drive, even when I forget there is no one in the back seat
I read bedtime stories and board books
I know the words to countless lullabies and primary songs
I can rhyme anything

Because I am a mother,
I can say a child's name and induce comfort, fear, giggles, remorse, or attention just by changing my voice and am awed by the power of my attentions
I display vases of wilting dandelions and wear colored macaroni necklaces with pride
I have jumped for joy, cheered out loud, swelled with pride, and beamed with accomplishment along side my children
I have winced in pain, cried tears of sadness, felt the sting of disappointment, and struggled with frustration and failure with my children
I am the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, a leprechaun, and Santa Claus
I will fight school administrators, stand up to bullies, and step up to battles I would never fight for myself

Because I am a mother,
I stay up late at night worrying about the future
I make lists of how I can do better and find motivation in tiny hands and big blue eyes
I pray harder and longer and more frequently than ever before
I have listened to simple faith-filled prayers and watched tiny miracles result
My fears strong and my faith is stronger
I feel powerful and helpless, guilty and proud, accomplished and a failure, all at the same time

Because I am a mother,
I know what it is to love someone unconditionally, instantaneously, and eternally



Wordfull Wednesday- A mother's role in the family

Wordfull Wednesday- Thanks Dad

Dear Dad,

Just thought I would take a minute to say thank you. Thanks for being my dad.

Thank you for putting our hand prints in the sidewalk outside our first little house. It made me feel important and included. Thanks for helping me ride that big scary horse, even though I was scared. Thanks for living right down the street from Grandma and Grandpa. I loved hopping over the wash and running up the hill to visit. Thanks for shooting down my Strawberry Shortcake balloon when I let it outside and cried when it started to fly away. Thanks for taking me out for ice cream after I had to get my face sewn up. It really made everything better. And for picking me up and fixing it when I stepped on nails, splinters, sticker weeds, horse poop, barbed wire, sand, and dead sea creatures. I am surprised I can still walk, really.

Thanks for moving us around all the time. I know we gave you grief about it, and still do. I know you did it because you were working hard to make things better for us and to take care of us. I remember the times you were forced to change jobs to honor your integrity. Your example was more valuable than a pension and a company truck could ever be. Besides, it was good preparation for marrying an Airman. After living here in the same place for five years, I sometimes move the furniture around just for variety.

Thanks for teaching me to ride a bike down the hill against my will. I see now that sometimes the hard way is the best way. I thought of you as I forcibly removed the training wheels from Lenna's bike and sent her screaming down the hill at the park. As soon as she opened her eyes and started pedaling, she never looked back.

Thank for being a worthy priesthood holder when it was time for me to be baptized. Of course at 8, I didn't realize the significance of the moment, but I do now. Thank you for being there. For the blessings when I was sick. For making things happen so you and Mom could come to the temple with me and be at my wedding. It meant everything to have you there.

Thank you for all the nights you stayed up late with me finishing homework. For making cell models when I was 10 and science fair projects when I was 12, and who knows what else. I should have gotten it done earlier, and I am sure you had better things to do. Thanks for staying up. Thank you for buying me a clarinet and making me learn to play it. Thanks for letting me stop when I really hated it. For lending me your drawing books and putting my pictures up on the wall.

Thanks for coming to all those basketball games and track meets. It made me proud when you cheered for me and told me I had done well. Thank you for all the track spikes and running shoes and basketball shoes you bought for me when we probably couldn't afford it.

Thanks for taking us to see the country from DC to Mount Rushmore to the Redwoods. For taking me fishing and camping and hiking and trying to teach me to swim. For teaching me to start a fire and shoot a gun. For making me go woodcutting even though I wasn't even really strong enough to swing an ax. For making rope swings and sledding hills and club houses and baseball diamonds. You taught me that it's ok to not be girly and to get dirty. Thanks for not making me scoop the dog poop or mow the lawn.

Thanks for putting up with all my crap as a teenage. For the ice cream dates and long uncomfortable drives. For not threatening to shoot any of my dates. Thank you for pushing me to do well in school. For driving me across three states to drop me off in my first college apartment. For hauling my stuff back and forth. For the encouraging letters and phone calls and making sure I finished no matter what.

Thank you for being so nice to my husband. Thank you for loving my babies and coming to see them and making memories with them.

Thanks for still telling me that you love me and are proud of me even though I am an adult. It still makes me smile.

Love,

Jannet

Wordfull Wednesday- A Father's Role

Our Song- Bet'cha can't keep from humming along

No, not that song. A little too young for me, though I really like singing along to it when it comes on the radio.

Our couple song, the one we must dance to every time it comes on - but we don't actually have one. Not even a wedding song. Yes, we danced at our wedding but it was the song chosen by Mike's brother because we didn't have one picked out in advance. However, after all of that we do have several songs that could be "our song."

So in honor of Wordfull Wednesday, and the upcoming holiday, I am going to take a little trip down love song memory lane!

First stop, the late 90's. There are a handful of songs that always take me back to a crepe-papered church gym or balloon-adorned high school cafeteria every time they come on the radio. Even though we didn't even know each other in high school, Mike and I were in the same grade and had similar memories attached to the same songs. Not including the pop songs that are "must sing and dance along to," here are some of those songs:
Celine Dion- "Because you Loved me," "My Heart Will Go On," Falling Into You." This seemed to be her decade for sappy love songs.
All 4 One- "I Swear"
Bryan Adams- "Everything I Do"
Whitney Houston- "I Will Always Love You"
Jewel- "You Were Meant for Me"
Savage Garden- "Truly, Madly, Deeply"
George Strait- "Check Yes or No" OK, so not a dance song. When I was in high school a secret admirer left a note for me on a windshield with these lyrics. Made my summer.

OK, I think that is enough high school. My palms are sweating just thinking about it.

Some of my favorites from college:
Hootie and Blowfish- "I Only Wanna Be With You"
Shania Twain- "From This Moment"
Cake- (not a nice band, but for this one song)- "Stick shifts and Safety Belts"
Sister Hazel-"All for You"
Abba- "Dancin' Queen"
Sixpence None the Richer- "Kiss Me"

Then I got married, and my whole perspective changed.
Our Wedding song: Shania Twain- "From This Moment"
And I danced with my dad to this song: Bob Carlisle- "Butterfly Kisses"

And now that we are of the old and married sort, I have a new list. My list takes a turn toward country when it comes to marriage songs. They seem to sing about home and family a lot more than other genres.
Sarah Evans- "Perfect" Describes the comfortable, casual relationship we have around here
Lonestar- "Amazed", Faith Hill- "Breathe" These two describe the not-so-casual relationship we have around here
Lonestar- "Front Porch Lookin' In", Phil Vassar- "Just Another Day in Paradise" Perfect family songs
Landon Pigg- "Coffee Shop" I heard this song on a diamond commercial a few Christmases ago and loved it. Mike searched the World Wide Web for several hours until he found the artist and lyrics for me. Nothing else of his is any good, but I still love this song.

Brad Paisley- "Ticks" The song that made us both come out of the closet as country radio listeners after arriving in Georgia. We both came home the same day and said "I heard the funniest song on the radio today!" And then we had to admit to the other that we had crossed over to the other side and started watching GAC together.

Jim Brickman- "Love of My Life" Mike and I went to a concert of his for our anniversary a few months ago. Our first "grown-up" date with no kids in a very long time. Mike wore a tie, I wore heels, and it was a wonderful break from normal life. We actually didn't know what songs Jim Brickman sang, I only had an instrumental CD that I liked. We were pleasantly surprised to hear a few familiar tunes- even if we were the youngest people there.

So there you have it. A glimpse into the musical history of the Cross family.

Family

I love my forever family!

6 Words

Happiness is thriving, not just surviving.

I was recently challenged to write my autobiography using just six words. Harder than it looks! I am still not completely satisified with it, but for now it will do!