I am grateful for little girls who turn on the light

We have had a very eventful few weeks over here. Thursday Lenna was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. After a few scary hours in the ER and a few more hard days in the hospital, and a long week of learning and adjusting and recovering, things are almost starting to feel normal again. I thought I would start off with a gratitude list, to help me keep things in perspective.


1. I am grateful Lenna is alive. Without the medical intervention she received last weekend, she wouldn't be.

2. I am grateful that I know her well enough to notice that she was sick, not just in need of an earlier bed time or more water or chapstick. ThatMike works crazy long hours so I can stay home and mother my kids all the time. I think it would have taken much longer to notice all of the subtle signs of illness if I only got to see her a few hours before bed.

3. I am grateful for the bathroom light. It woke me up every time she had to get out of bed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, another symptom that would otherwise have gone unnoticed.

4.I am grateful for a school teacher who was willing to allow Lenna to carry water bottles around all day drinking, and then let her go to the bathroom 6 times a day. The water kept her from getting seriously dehydrated those last few days before the diagnosis. And the bathroom monitoring led her to ask for a note from home, asking for permission to go to the bathroom so much. This was one of the things that told me maybe there was something going on- if she needed a doctor's note to go to the bathroom so much, maybe there was a medical reason for the problem.

5. I am grateful for technology. Although WebMD and other google health diagnosis tools can sometimes be dangerous because they lead people to believe they have something they don't or keep sick people from going to the doctor, they can be really useful tools as well. After some quick research before bed, I knew she had all the symptoms for diabetes. That gave me an entire sleepless night (interrupted by a few bathroom lights and a nursing infant) to get used to the idea, so when the doctor delivered the diagnosis, I already knew what she was going to say and didn't have to adjust right there in front of the doctor and could answer some of Lenna's questions on the way to the hospital.

6. I am thankful for quiet answers to prayers. I went to bed the night before unsure about what to do next. I didn't want to take her to the doctor for unnecessary tests or be one of those alarmist moms who thinks its a crisis every time their kid gets a stomach ache or feels tired. But I didn't want to ignore a potentially serious problem. I said a simple prayer asking for guidance and peace when I went to bed that night. I woke up certain that I needed to take her to doctor. I had no doubts that she was very sick, that she was experiencing the onset symptoms of type 1 diabetes, and that we needed to visit the doctor that day. And so I made an appointment, dropped Becca with a sitter, and picked Lenna up from school and we went to the doctor. I felt calm and was able to do it all very matter-of-factly.

7. I am thankful for the Spirit and it's power to calm and strengthen the hearth of a mother who needs to be there for her daughter. When the doctor told me I was handling the news of the diagnosis surprisingly well, I wanted to reply that it was miraculously well- that it was only by Divine intervention that I wasn't falling apart right before her eyes. I wasn't a rock or a robot- I still cried right along with Lenna as soon as the doctor left the room. My voice caught when I had to return to the school and tell her teacher she would not be returning to school that day or the next. I get teary when I make her cry with an unsuccessful finger prick or painful injection. There was a moment in our training when we had to learn to give insulin shots, that Mike took Lenna to go to the restroom at just the right moment, so I could sit alone with the nurse for three minutes and cry my eyes out. But I could pull myself back together in time to do what I had to do.

8. I am grateful for a diagnosis. As much as you hate to be told you have a chronic condition that will require lifelong treatment and lifestyle adjustments, at least we know what is wrong and how to treat it. My sister has been struggling for years with her son. He has something that is affecting his development and motor skills. They know something is wrong but a string of doctors and specialists still can't say what it is or how to treat it. I think I would rather know and be able to move forward. And I am thankful for the vending machine full of chocolate that was a full five minute walk away from our ER room that gave me a chance to walk away for a few minutes when I really needed to.

9. I am grateful for family. I didn't expect to go to the doctor and be told to drive right to the children's hospital two hours away, to be admitted and stay over night. When I left Becca with her Aunt Jessie, we both expected it to be for just a few hours. When I called and asked her to keep her indefinitely, as well as pick Andy up from school, feed them both dinner and just wait to know what was happening, she didn't hesitate to ask how else she could help. She kept them both the following day as well. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have that kind of support network in place. I can't imagine how much harder it would have been if I had to take everyone with me, or to send Lenna on to the hospital alone because I had to be with the other kids, or to have to choose. As soon as we knew we would be late getting home that night, my mother-in-law went straight from her long day of work to my home so my kids could go to sleep on time in their own beds, prepared to stay the night if needed and send them off to school the next morning before going back to work. Then she did it again the next night as well. My mom couldn't be here physically, but she called each to let me know she was thinking about us and praying for us and just to let me talk to someone. My sister Sandra called to check on me, to give me a much needed outlet to just talk to someone while I worried away the hours on my daughter's first day back at school. My older sister Shannon is a nurse and also dealing with gestational diabetes- she could empathizee with Lenna and give me tips like how to make the shots hurt a little less and which sugar-free ice cream tastes the most like the real thing.

10. I am grateful we live within driving distance to a nationally-ranked children's hospital that was staffed with pediatric endocrinologists who knew how to stabilize and treat Lenna and educate me and Mike on how to care for her after we left.

11. I am grateful for a hospital full of nurses and staff that are used to working with kids and had Lenna smiling by bedtime, in spite of everything she had just gone through. And that they let me stay the night, even though I had to keep Elizabeth with me.

12. I am grateful for health insurance. So that when we left the hospital with a $9,500 bill and a stack of prescriptions totaling over $400, we didn't have to worry about how to pay for it on top of everything else. We still have a pretty big bill leftover after the insurance paid its share, but at least it is manageable.

13. I am grateful for Mike's job. So that when I called and said "I'm on the way to the hospital." he only had to tell his supervisor that there was an emergency and was able to leave right away, for as long as he needed, and no one gave him a hard time about it. That they paid him for his time anyway. That he was able to work extra hours the next few weekends to so he didn't have to lose vacation days and earned overtime pay so we could more easily pay the hospital bill.

14. I am grateful to our ward family here who make daily phone calls to tell us they are concerned, offers for babysitting, and for those who bring meals, because "when you are concerned and don't know what to say and want to help and don't know how, you bring food." Thank you for the food.

15. I am grateful to the school nurse who knows what she is doing, for a teacher who lets my daughter eat in class and make up tests she failed while she was sick and didn't know it (but still had fuzzy brain cells from all the sugar) and guidance counselors who take time from their schedule to do presentations to fourth graders about diabetes and blood sugar and the difference between diseases you can catch and those you can't and feature slide shows about little girls with IVs and glucose meters and "nurse buddies" and morning snacks and Halloween party cupcakes.

16. I am grateful for insulin. And glucose meters. And lancing devises. And syringes. Even though I hate them. I am grateful to have them so that Lenna can get better and stay alive and go back to being a kid and worrying about spelling tests and running races and how to make a spaghetti and meatballs costume for Halloween.

17. I am grateful to recipes on the back of graham cracker boxes that can be made with sugar-free pudding and cool whip so that my daughter can make and share and eat dessert and feel normal.

18.I am grateful for nap time.

19. I am grateful to Mike, who is everything I am not. For being strong when I am weak, for being brave when I am scared, for being an advocate when I am intimidated, for being efficient when I am frazzled, for being helpful when I am overwhelmed, for working while I sleep. For bringing food and clean clothes and a toothbrush. For keeping an eye on the forest while I am fretting about the trees. For priesthood blessings.

20. I am grateful for my girl, who never ceases to amaze me with all she can do and be and learn and will become. I am so excited to see her grow up into all that ability and potential. I am grateful for the privilege of being her mother and getting to watch her do it all and maybe come along for the ride sometimes.

21. And Lenna says she is grateful that she never has to fast on Fast Sundays anymore and for sugar-free jell-o and chocolate bars.

Into the Wilderness

New post over HERE. I am avoiding packing.

Baby Baby!

 

Elizabeth Maureen
Jan 31, 2011 1:18PM
8lbs 5oz, 21 in

We love her.
Good things can happen on Mondays!

Fabulous Five

Andrew turned 5 this year. We went with a Star Wars theme. Mini-light saber cupcakes for school and a Jedi battle on the cake at home.

This is Carson the fish, that Andrew bought with his birthday money. Sadly, he has since taken a final swim in the porcelain pool. RIP Carson.

Five fabulous things about Andrew:

1. He has the most adorable smile, and he loves to share it with me. I am a sucker for dimples. His favorite talent is telling corny knock-knock jokes.

2. He is determined. When he wants something, he goes for it with everything he has.

3. He is curious. He loves to explore and learn new things. He is great at asking questions to find things out.

4. He is in touch with his emotions and shares them. I know when he is happy, sad, angry, or excited. He knows its OK to cry when you are hurting and cheer when you are happy.

5. He is my little boy in the middle. I am so glad he came to be part of our family. He definitely makes it better, more exciting, and keeps me on my toes!

Five things about Andrew that he thinks are important for you to know:
1. He loves oatmeal raisin cookies
2. He is growing big muscles by eating vegetables
3. He is one smart cookie
4. He is a superhero and wants to be a policeman on a motorcycle when he grows up
5. He wishes his grandparents lived closer so they could take him fishing, camping, and gardening, and make him cookies all the time

I mentioned before that I wanted to share his birth story with you. Not THAT story, but some miracles that happened along the way. I think of Andrew as my Miracle Baby.


We found out we were having a baby boy at the 20 week ultra sound. We had his name chosen before we made it home from the hospital- Andrew Joseph. Or Baby Brother Pooh, according to Lenna.

When I was about 32 weeks along I went in for my typical monthly visit. The doctor took an extra long time listening to his heartbeat. She had heard an irregularity in his heartbeat sent us up to the hospital to do some monitoring and have another ultrasound. Time dragged on as the longest day ever was spent in the hospital room with me strapped in with monitors, Lenna entertaining the nursing staff with toddler antics, Mike stranded at school with no car, and Andrew's little heart thumping away to a pattern all his own. Finally 8 hrs later we were released to go home after they decided he wasn't in any immediate danger.

A few days later our home teachers arrived for their monthly visit and gave Andrew, through me, a blessing. I was promised his heart would heal itself and I would deliver a full-term, healthy, strong little boy. The next week I returned to the doctor for a follow up. She had a prescription ready for me for heart medicine I would take until Andrew was born and could take it himself, and a mile of monitor tape showing just how crazy his heartbeat was. She was surprised and confused as she listened to his heart again and found no problems. Nothing but the steady swish swish of a healthy baby heart.

Finally his due date arrived, and passed with him still snuggled cozily in my tummy. We planned to go in Wednesday night for an induction. Wednesday afternoon, we experienced our first California earthquake! Later that night in the hospital, the bed, tables, and rolling monitors all swayed to the aftershocks while my little boy fought to make his entrance into the world. I like to tell him that the Earth shook on the day he was born, because his spirit was so strong and powerful and the world knew he was going to do great things! He nearly lost the fight, emerging blue-faced and still with the cord looped three times around his neck. The ten seconds between birth and first cry were the longest I had experienced.

Many times since I have wondered if I was going to get to keep him, after fighting off strep B infection at birth, RSV at one year, pneumonia at 18 months, scarlet fever twice, ear infections, head wounds, stitches, various mystery rashes and fevers, and a close call in a swimming pool when he was two. Thankfully, he is a tough little guy and keeps going. I am so grateful!

We love you Andrew, happy birthday!

Green

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

I do believe there is a little Irish in us. We always had corned beef and cabbage and boiled potatoes for St Patrick's Day at home when I was a kid. I have made it for my family as well but didn't remember on grocery day this week, so we are doing without. Hopefully green mashed potatoes will fill the need for festive food.

Anyway, we were looking for green this morning and I was amazed at nature's paintbrush. I can honestly say that when looking from any window in the house I can easily discern at least five different shades of green. Upwards of ten if it is a larger window. The pollen makes things difficult, but there are advantages to residing in the Garden City.

I tried to take a picture for you but my little point and shoot camera, shooting through a window due to a congested and fussy hold-me-all-day-long baby, just could not do the job. I will keep trying.

It has been raining here in conjunction with the arrival of spring, so the grass is covered with a layer of mist and fluffy with new growth, the trees are blooming and budding, and every growing thing seems to be awake this morning. There are about ten different trees out my front window, each with their own unique contribution to the canopy of green. The two different grasses in the lawn plus a large variety of weeds are making the ground a nice patchwork, and even the tree trunks have two or three different varieties of moss, ivy, and invading undergrowth to make them festive this morning. The azaleas are flowering white, pink, and red. The irises, daffodils, and tulips planted by the plant-loving previous owners are pushing up through last year's cast-off leaves to greet spring time as well.

We are not Catholic, but today seems like a good day to celebrate spring and the arrival of all things green and to give a grateful nod to the Lord in acknowledgement of His handiwork.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day! I hope yours is a lucky day!

Miracle Monday

My blog has been whiny the past few months. I need to be more positive. Yes, sucky things happen, but that isn't all that happens! Every Monday I am going to force myself to reflect on the past week and pull out the positives, the mini-miracles that happen around me all the time that I often overlook, at least in writing here. So here it, the inaugural post for "Miracle Monday"

5 Miracles I have seen this week:

1. Ultrasound image of my little girl, all scrunched up and sucking her thumb.

I love technology. It really is amazing the things that we can do today with modern medicine. Seeing a real little person in there always makes being pregnant so much more real, like it isn't just a huge stomach, it is an actual tiny person in there! With her own face, and hands, and unique look of complete dissatisfaction at being stuffed upside down into a confined space that doesn't yield to her constant pushing to get out. (FYI update, as of today, baby is in perfect position, but cervix is stubbornly unchanged)

2. My little boy, sound asleep and still.

He woke me in the middle of the night to help get his clothes changed into something warmer, then pleaded for me to stay until he fell asleep so he wouldn't be scared. At 3AM, giving in is easier than enforcing good sleep habits, so I stayed. Just before he fell asleep he put his little arms around my neck, kissed my nose, and said "Mommy, sometimes we fit together just like a puzzle." Even at 3AM, I was touched. And then he fell asleep and lay peacefully still, something that never happens while he is awake.

3. Heavenly Father's paintbrush.

I picked a gorgeous leaf up from the parking lot yesterday. The colors were perfect, yellow with red lines and tips, not yet browned from time on the ground. I kept it in the window for a few days. I love the fall, the nice weather, the great colors, the smell of woodsmoke in the mornings. I am always awed by the beautiful colors Heavenly Father put here at this time of year.

4. A sense of belonging.

I have never really had a place that I call "home." One of those places you can answer right away when someone asks you where you are from. I have to generalize and qualify any answer I come up with. My dad was always looking to do better and provide a better life for his family, so we moved A LOT when I was growing up in pursuit of every better opportunity. I think the longest we ever stayed in one place was about 3 years, sometimes barely staying in one place long enough to hit the year mark. Anyway, that life is not so conducive to helping a shy and socially awkward girl learn to make friends and fit in. Anyway, it has taken a while for me to get over it. Still after about a year in one place I have to dramatically rearrange the furniture or something to keep from going crazy. We have lived here for just over three years now, breaking my previously held record for living anywhere. Now I guess when people ask where I am from, I can answer "Georgia" with just as much validity as CA or UT. Anyway, I walked into church yesterday with a stack of 30 thank-you cards to hand out from my birthday and baby shower. I must say, I have never known the names of that many people, let alone been able to call that many people my friends. I sat for a minute reflecting on how at-home I felt there in the back of the chapel, surrounded by people I know and who care about me, and felt at peace. I do think that is the first time ever.

5. I am not running on empty.

Not gasoline, though some weeks this would be an appropriate thing to be grateful for. I thinking more about emotionally. That even on the days (mostly nights) when I am so tired that I think I have absolutely nothing left to give of myself, I can do it anyway. I can make it to answer one more cry from a bad dream, one more dose of Motrin to cool a fevered brow, one more hug to stop the tears of a hurt child, one more hour to listen to my over-burdened husband. One more hour of hope to hold off the despair. We talked in RS about our trials, "weathering the storms of life." I was reminded that no matter what we are up against, that we are never given more than we can handle, that even when we feel completely depleted, that the Lord will give us strength, that one last bit of energy, empathy, faith, or hope that we need to make it through. And that is a miracle, I think.

Seen any miracles today?