Taken for a ride

Nope, not on any form of mechanized transportation, but instead on a journey of the imagination. Let me explain.

Lenna has had a rough start to the school year. She just can't seem to find that place where she feels comfortable. It happened quickly in K, with two or three fast and good friends, a love for her teachers, and enthusiasm for the whole school experience. This year she has been nervous, scared, lonely, bored, unimpressed, etc. It has gotten slowly better, but she still hasn't found that place.

The one things she has been very excited about is riding the bus to and from school each day. The first day, she told me of a few familiar faces on the bus but was a little nervous. She met a girl in her class who could show her the ropes the first day, but it was a girl she wasn't really good friends with. Then I met Sarah.

Sarah is a girl in Lenna's class who just moved here over the summer. She started school a few days late, but was lucky enough to get a seat in Lenna's group. She, by a twist of fate, started riding the school bus just as Lenna did. She doesn't live in the area, but her grandmother bought a house up the street just so she could help tend Sarah and her siblings (two older twin brothers, and a twin sister, and two younger twin sisters) while her mother works at a beauty salon. She lets Sarah highlight her hair and Sarah promised Lenna they could put in highlights for Lenna at their first sleepover. They both decided on pink. Her grandmother used to live in Atlanta, so she could be close to her husband who lives in a nursing home there. Sarah has to ride the bus to Apple tree (A local daycare) on Fridays because her grandmother leaves on the weekend to visit her husband. Her little sisters are there all day, but Sarah and her brothers only have to go after school on Fridays. Sarah has long blonde pigtails and also eats school lunch on pizza day but not on taco day. Her house in is a subdivision near here, the blue one with the green shutters. Sarah is 6, but will turn 7 in January. Sarah and Lenna play together every recess. They are in the same reading group and are going to both dress up as Hannah Montana for Halloween.

I am sure you are wondering why I am telling you all about this girl, complete with all the details of her life. Well, keep reading!

This morning Lenna talked nearly non-stop about Sarah and their plans for recess. I was so happy she had made a new friend I suggested that Lenna give her our phone number and invite her over to play Saturday or some day after school so she didn't have to go to grandma's house. Lenna looked down at her lap, turned red, and finally sobbed out, "I can't call her mom. She isn't real. I just made her up! There is no one named Sarah on my bus or in my class. She is just in my imagination."

I was so confused. How could this little girl, with a fully detailed family history, who had played such an active role in Lenna's first grade experience so far, not be real? All those details were a carefully spun tale designed to accompany a product of my daughter's imagination. I came up with something along the lines of "Then I guess you can imagine her over for a play date anytime you want!" before I let her out in the carpool line. Then I drove home in tears.

Why? Because, well why would she have to invent a friend? Was it that bad? Was she lonely? Dealing with some traumatic experience from the bus that she can't tell me about? Did she create an imaginary seat-mate to make the trip less scary? Have I pushed her too far too soon? Was I not giving her enough attention? Do I not schedule enough play dates with real friends to keep her busy? Is she crying out for help? Or maybe she is so bored in class she has taken to making up stories in her head instead of practicing spelling words and addition? Does she need another creative outlet, more challenging work, a like-minded peer to read hard books with?

I should probably take some time now to say that this isn't Lenna's first imaginary friend. About the time I was pregnant with Andrew she made up a little sister (actually, also named Sarah!) who she blamed messes on. By the time we moved six months later she had a new friend, Lena, who was actually a pretty standard item at our house until about a year ago. She had her own chair at the table, buckled up in the car, had purple hair, etc. But we were all very aware that Lena was pretend. She came out less and less, and only at hard times, like Lenna's first day of preschool she rolled down the window halfway there so Lena could get in. She also came with us on the airplane to visit grandma, took on fairy form to move to our new house, and took the role of tea party guest when her brother was unwilling to do so. Eventually she just named all her dolls Lena and used them in her pretend games instead. I figured it was just because she was little and that was a normal part of being a preschooler. I am not sure why it was easier to accept then.

So my question is: What now? Counseling? Gifted Education? Friend intervention? More parent time? More extra curricular activities? I was leaning toward violin lessons last week. I found a teacher and a place to rent-to-own violins. Now I am thinking, forget the violin and sign my little story-teller up for Children's Theater!