Enabling

Hello, my name is Jannet, and I am an enabler and a codependent.

I know the behavior is destructive. I know that I am enforcing habits that will only lead to addiction, obsession, dependency, anger, tantrums, public outbursts, and unreasonable demands placed on me and our family and even the general public. And I do it anyway.

I give in because it is easier. Because it is faster. Because I am tired of resisting. Because sometimes, it just isn't worth the fight. Because my will is weaker. Because sometimes I can turn it to my advantage. Because in the short term, it really won't make a difference. Because I forget that often "just this one time" turns to "just one more time" and then "every time." Because I can be manipulated by the look in those big blue eyes, by unspoken promises of restitution, and by offers and rewards of physical affection.

My name is Jannet, and I am an enabler and a co-dependent of an addict.

Our mind and behavior altering drug:
Elmo.

Rebecca loves Elmo. In fact, one of the fist words she could clearly pronounce was Elmo. After just one or two viewings, she was hooked. Now, Elmo permeates every aspect of our lives. Socks she insists on wearing? Elmo. New bib she won't take off? Elmo. New sippy cup? Elmo. Her favorite cup, bowl, and plate? Elmo. Her favorite show? Elmo. What she chants every time anyone turns on a television? Elmo. Her favorite board books? Elmo. Her favorite toy train? Elmo.

I admit it, I am at fault. Because all of those things were provided by me. And sometimes I take advantage of her obsession. How do I get her to sit still through a shopping trip? A stop by the bargain bin for an Elmo book to read in the cart or the toy aisle to grab an Elmo cell phone. To my credit, they always go back before the check out line. How to get her to drink milk? Put it in an Elmo cup. Elmo cup dirty? Put Elmo stickers all over the plain one. Coloring book to keep her busy in the play yard during soccer practice? Elmo. Mom needs a shower before nap time? Elmo on demand. Need something to hold during the library trip so mom can check out books? Grab an Elmo DVD.

I admit, at first I thought it was cute. "Oh look, she knows Elmo." So I innocently started pointing out the red furry puppet as we encountered his image in stores or on TV. "Look Becca, Elmo!" I started putting her food on the Sesame Street dishes we have had since Lenna was a baby, encouraging her to eat all the applesauce to uncover the Elmo face at the bottom of the bowl. Then I fished out the old Elmo books that had been in storage since Andy was little. And I got her another one for Valentines Day. Then I saw some Elmo socks for a dollar in Target and grabbed a pair. Then a week later I went back and got two more pairs because she refused to keep on any others. And when it was time for a big girl cup, I grabbed the ones with the Elmo pictures. And now, well I can admit it is getting to be a little much.

For example, when I was trying to buy a baby gift and she screamed and kicked until she could hold the Elmo blanket. Then she wanted to hold all the Elmo blankets on the shelf. And protested very, very loudly when we had to put them back. Or when we were looking for doll clothes and hotwheels for the Easter bunny, and she heard the Elmo song from the next row, and took off like a crazy person to find "Elmo, Elmo,Elmo!" then refused to leave until she had hugged every giggling, singing, plastic head. And screamed and kicked when we had to leave them all behind.

So at what point do I stop indulging her toddler obsessive phase? I know every kid has several and it is normal. Lenna cycled through Pooh, Ernie, Wiggles, and Princesses. While Andy did Thomas, Cars, Diego, and Super Heroes and they seem to have came out OK. But how many times can you listen to the Elmo's World song before you go insane? And at what point does it cross over from normal phase to crazy toddler addiction?

And am I ready to give up the morning shower and Elmo's World segment yet? Is it really bad that she insists on wearing rainbow-striped Elmo socks with every outfit, if it means her feet are warm and she is happy? And if she will eat peas for the sole purpose of finding Elmo at the bottom of the bowl, isn't that better than throwing the peas in the plain bowl on the floor? Is there any harm in her favorite accessory being an Elmo bib? And what is wrong with learning your colors and shapes from a puppet in a book?

And finally, can anyone figure out a way I can turn her obsession into a tool to get her to sleep through the night, sit through church, go to the Y nursery, or use the potty? Thanks!