Growing Up

My friend Sue had posted on her blog about an article she read talking about how society is pressuring girls to grow up too soon. She is the mother of three boys and expecting a girl. She wrote about her concerns in raising a girl. I commented, but it turned long enough I figured I would just post it here and get credit for writing something since I have not really felt like posting for a while. That and Rebecca is sleeping more at night and Mike is home in the evenings, so I don't spend as much time online as I have been.

Anyway, here is the link to the article. Here is what I think. What do you think?

I agree! The article has a lot of things right. Three yr old princesses in off the shoulder dresses can grow into seven yr old divas and sexy middle school-ers.
I have a 7 yr old and am fighting that right now! She came home to first week of kindergarten and swore off baby shows and toys, pleading to watch high school musical, Hannah Montana, and the Disney channel junk. I asked why, because she really had no idea what any of that was and she told me that is what the kids were playing on the playground and she needed to know it so she could join in. She stopped playing with boys on the playground because kids started singing that "first comes love" song at them.
Clothes shopping is a chore. It is hard to find clothes that don't have a character splashed across the front, are immodest, or just plain too grown up. Bras and panties in size 5? A first grader in a string bikini? Halter tops, mini skirts, and body glitter? Help!
We have turned off Disney because Hannah is now kissing boys and having breakdowns at the mall over make up and clothes. The girl wizard cheats on tests, flunks out to get detention and be with boys, goes on dates, lies to her parents, and treats her family terribly. London is shallow and stupid, but it is OK because she is pretty and rich. Even tinker bell is marketed as a sexy brat. Stuck in a waiting room I saw a cartoon where the main story line was a usually smart girl played dumb to get the boys to like her and carry her books.
I wanted to cover her eyes and ears. And my son's who needs to learn that boys can be athletic and smart and respectful at the same time! I don't mind her being "girly". I think femininity should be encouraged, as long as it is the pig tails, ballet shoes, baby dolls, and twirly dresses kind. Not the mini skirts and make up kind. I curl her hair when she wants and gave her a trunk full of princess dresses. But I also want her to know that it is OK to play in the dirt outside, scrape her knees kicking a soccer ball, be a doctor when she grows up, and be the smartest princess at the ball, even if it makes the prince feel dumb.
I read a book in college called "Reviving Ophelia" that goes along these lines, it is a good read.
I taught preschool and was amazed at the differences in the girls I saw- some still young and innocent, others who could sing all the words to the pussy cat dolls and dance provocatively to match. I love that my brother bought his toddler daughter at tool belt for Christmas, that my niece had super hero and star wars themed birthday parties, and my brother-in-law puts his girls to work driving tractor mowers and building houses in the summer time, and my other nieces play volleyball and march in the band as well as take gifted classes. I also admire that wonder woman does ballet, the girl in the middle of two brothers has a barbie doll collection, and the house builders take time out for piano and choir and sewing.
I love that when I was growing up my parents encouraged me to be smart, supported me in athletics, and didn't push me to be girly with make up and heels before I was ready, and dressed me in clothes that provided for tree climbing, bike riding, and sidewalk sliding. But at the same time allowed me to be a girl by providing plenty of dolls, tying ribbons in my hair and sewing me long twirly dresses for Sunday, buying me pink flowered bed spreads, and gently encouraging (OK, forcing sometimes) me to dress up for dances and prom when my self confidence wasn't up to the job. They let me get married young, but encouraged me to complete my college education, and understood when I chose to become a stay at home mom.
Raising girls is tough. How do you teach them to embrace womanhood, enjoy being a daughter of God, but not be hampered by gender stereotypes. To embrace femininity but not become feminist? Where is the balance between protecting them and letting them grow?

Raising boys is an issue for another post entirely, but it has its moments, too!