Kindergarten Stalker

It has been a very busy week. Funny, isn't it, that when I have time to write, I have nothing to write about but when I have lots of things to write about, I am too busy doing them to write it down.

I had a parent-teacher conference with Lenna's teachers today. She is doing great academically, but still struggles a little socially. She is very sensitive and is learning the hard way that not everyone in the world is as sweet as she is. We need to keep working hard at home to build up her self esteem so that she isn't crushed every time someone tells her that her hair is funny or calls her a playground name.

She reminds me a lot of myself as a kid. I see habits that I thought I had "grown out of" or at least pushed aside, coming back in her personality. I hope that I can remember what it was like to be on that end of things and use it to help her, especially as she gets older has to deal with the ups and downs of early adolescence (it took me three tires to spell that word right). Things like her shyness, her "one good friend at a time" social world, her need for other's approval, taking a long time to built up a trust with those around her, like her teachers, before she can talk with them about her feelings or things that are happening, being afraid "to tell on" other kids because of retaliation or being singled out, internalizing feelings and issues instead of talking to people about them. I have to pull little bits of info out of her each night to make sure nothing has been happening at school. It is a hard line to walk, trying to protect her versus helping her grow. Which brings me to the title of this post.

The previously mentioned John has been giving us all heartache! I never did arrange that play date, and I am glad that I didn't. He seems to be like a rubber band, bouncing from "I love you Lenna" to "I hate you Lenna" all in the course of a day. He started by telling Lenna she had to only play with him at recess, which she tolerated for about two days before she got tired of it. When she finally told him she had had enough, he told her hated her and said he was going home to cut off is his head because she had made him so sad. The next few days brought more name calling and emotional issues. The beginning of the week he threatened to stab her in the heart with his pocket knife if she didn't play with him at recess. Yesterday he threatened to kill her cat if she was mean to him. We of course have gone through all of the legal channels, with the classroom teacher and principals and guidance counselors. I am not concerned for her physical safety, just the emotional fallout.

I am very concerned about this little boy. He doesn't have a mother to love him and teach him right from wrong I guess, as Lenna put it. He lives with just his grandfather, who is trying his best to undo the damage of whatever happened to this little boy before we met him. The problem is he really likes Lenna. Who wouldn't? She is nice to everyone, even the odd ones, so as the only girl in the class who is nice to him, he really likes her. (Actually, that reminds me of myself in high school and college. Why do the "nice girls" have to be the ones to take out the odd balls?) Anyway, he just doesn't have the social skills to develop a healthy relationship the normal way, so he is using threats and jealousy and other ways to, I guess in a strange way, win her heart. He seems like a bad boyfriend in training! I have no problems with helping a troubled little boy- I would have him over every day for milk and cookies if I thought it would help- but not at the expense of my little girl!

Lenna normally loves school. The last few weeks have been different. She has been emotional in the mornings, I have to drag her into class every day, and she cries all the way home! All of the emotional turmoil of having to deal with this boy is just too much for her tender heart. I was reminded today that 6 year olds are fickle, and he will probably turn his attention to another girl soon enough. Let's hope that it is soon! Until then she is armed with ready phrases like "I can make my own choices" and "I can have lots of friends and still be yours" and her favorite "I have my own mind and I chose what to do and who to play with". Hopefully we can all ride it out. She told me today "I feel bad for John, he doesn't have a mommy to teach him how to be nice to girls!" I have encouraged her to stay close to her other friends and just ignore him, but to go straight to the teachers if she has any problems. I am hoping that eventually he will move on to someone else or learn to behave in a better way and get the help he obviously needs then he can be friends with my little girl. Or maybe I can just pull her out of school and keep her with me all the time and protect her from all the problems out there.

*sigh* makes me dread the teen years. Can I just keep them small and close a little longer?